


Don't Let Them Tell You Otherwise

by litra



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amnesia, Attempted Rape/Non-Con, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, Healing, M/M, Manipulation, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, Podfic Welcome, Unreliable Narrator, art included
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-26
Updated: 2016-02-26
Packaged: 2018-05-16 22:06:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 37
Words: 21,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5842705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/litra/pseuds/litra
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It’s another hallucination. It has to be. The short blond man in the room across from Sam’s can’t be Gabriel. Except he can see Lucifer, and Sam knows Lucifer is only in his head.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This has some serious manipulation and attempted non-con from Lucifer. The non-con is only one scene but the mental manipulation is throughout and gets into abusive levels so please read wisely.
> 
>  
> 
> Also This was created for the 2016 Sabriel Big bang with Art Provided by the lovely [thisshouldbegabriel](http://thisshouldbegabriel.tumblr.com/) Thank you So Much ^_^  
> the art post can be found [Here ](http://archiveofourown.org/works/6110266)

 

The first time it happened, Sam was trying to sleep. Not exactly a rare occurrence, but Lucifer’s torments had pushed through the meds for the third day in a row. The sleep deprivation was affecting his senses, or Lucifer was, it didn’t really matter why the walls were purple or the blanket felt like pine-needles. 

He thought it was evening, but again, it didn’t really matter.

The doctor came in once a day. He decided if Sam was a danger to himself, if Sam would spend the day strapped to the bed, or free to walk around his room. Theoretically there was a third option, access to the day room, but it never came up. 

The rest of the time it was orderlies or nurses, who spoon fed him pudding and mash, potatoes and meatloaf. Things he couldn’t possibly choke himself on. They treated him like he couldn’t think. Like he was just a big dumb animal. Water in sippy cups and cheap plastic silverware that couldn’t cut butter. As if he hadn’t saved the world two or three times over… Not that any of them knew it.

Today had been a bad one. He’d been strapped to the bed, unable to even cover his ears against Lucifer’s poison whispers; not that he was currently whispering. No, today Lucifer was going through an orchestra, instrument by instrument, to see if he was musically inclined. The strings section had been bad enough but the sheer volume that some of the brass instruments could create were…well, Sam would have been scared for his eardrums if he hadn’t known it wasn’t real.

The worst part was that Lucifer wasn’t actually flat out terrible. It was clear that at one point he had probably known what he was doing. Except since then he’d gone tone deaf and forgotten half the cords and still didn’t realize he was playing in the wrong key. 

Sam hissed in a breath through his teeth, and let it out slow.  He had tried to tune Lucifer out, but it had never really worked. At least at the moment Lucifer wasn’t focusing on him directly. Whenever Lucifer got it into his head that he needed Sam’s attention, he wouldn’t let up until he got it; even if Sam was fit to fall over at the time. Sam’s best chance was pure exhaustion taking over and pulling him under. He tried not to fight it.

The banging on the door was soft under the racket the trombone was producing. Sam’s addled brain wondered if Lucifer was trying out some kind of accompaniment. Then it came again four slow dull thuds, that managed to be offbeat even though Lucifer wasn’t really staying in meter. There was a voice too, but Sam couldn’t hear what they were saying.

Sam blinked. He only saw the door handle rattle because his head was already turned in that direction. Lucifer either ignored it or didn’t notice.

More pounding, more rattling. Eventually Lucifer lowered the trombone and looked at it as if it had deeply failed him somehow.

“Hmm, no, that’s not right. Maybe it needs tuning. I was never very good at tuning instruments, never learned how. What do you think Sam? Is it worth giving it another go or should I try something simpler? A flute maybe, no tuning required there. Yes, the woodwinds section was always my favorite. Horns were always more Gabriel’s thing.”

Lucifer clearly wasn’t actually expecting a response from him so Sam kept watching the door. The hallucination tossed the trombone away conjuring a flute in it’s place. It clattered to the floor as the person at the door pounded again. 

Lucifer lowered the flute and called in a high pitched mockery of a black and white TV special housewife. “Who is it?”

The answering voice was muffled by the door, but it sounded as frustrated as Sam felt. “Will you please cut the racket already? I’m trying to sleep!”

Lucifer shrugged, “Must be a wrong number.”

The door knob started rattling again, more fiercely this time, but Lucifer just lifted his flute and settled his fingers into position. The sound of the door banging against the wall blocked out the first few notes. 

Sam blinked. He would have thought it was impossible, and it was of course, but it honestly looked like Gabriel was standing in his doorway in the same cheap blue pants and white t-shirt they gave to patients. 

It was another hallucination. That was the only thing it could be. Lucifer was messing with him again or maybe he had actually cracked and this was his brain’s attempt at fighting back.

“Well, speak of the devil, oh wait…” Lucifer said.

The manifestation of Gabriel turned on Lucifer and pointed a finger at him. “You! I swear to heaven above that if you don’t shut the hell up I am going to shove that shiny little stick so far up your ass, people will think you’re a lollypop.”

Lucifer looked as surprised as Sam felt. He blinked a few times then laughed. With a wave of his hand he pulled a lolly out of the air and started picking at the wrapper. “Well, there are certainly worse things.” Lucifer grinned and sucked the red candy into his mouth.

For some reason that made Gabriel falter. Sam tried to focus through the exhaustion.

“Gabriel?”

Gabriel looked over at Sam like he hadn’t noticed he was there. His eyes widened, and he shrank in on himself. “No.” He shook his head, and reached blindly for the door. “No, no, no, no--” 

The door slammed shut.

Lucifer made a little humming sound around his lollypop. “Well, that was interesting.” He picked at the candy wrapper folding it up like origami. Sam never saw what he was making. He found sleep before Lucifer was finished.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam woke to a room full of paper cranes.

It was… actually it was beautiful. The cranes came in every color Sam could imagine. Some were solid colors, while others must have been made of wrapping paper or that fancy artisan paper you could buy in art stores. They hung on strings that were tacked to the ceiling so that the room was literally filled with color.

Sam tried to sit up, and managed it at least partially. His wrists were still strapped down but he could lever himself up enough to see more of the room. As he did, a little red shape bounced off his head and tumbled down his chest. That crane was smaller than the others. Sam could pick out the white lettering and realized it was the first one, the one Lucifer had made from the lollipop wrapper. 

Sam couldn’t help but smile. It was one of the strangest things about his situation: Lucifer was a straight up pain in the ass most times, but every once in awhile he’d do something that reminded Sam he had once been so much more than that. It was disarming.

“Well, you’re looking better this morning.” The doctor looked up from his clipboard as the orderly hovered in the doorway. Around the room the cranes started to vanish in little purple and red puffs of smoke.

Sam settled back against his pillow and ran through a self assessment. He did feel better. Not 100%, not even close, but he’d slept for five, maybe six hours and he’d been allowed to wake up naturally for once. 

“Yeah, I’m feeling alright.”

The doctor made a check mark on Sam’s chart. “That’s good to hear. Do you think you can take your meds yourself today?”

Sam nodded, and the doctor waved the orderly forward. The orderly was tall and broad enough to handle someone of even Sam’s height and weight. The nametag on his chest read Mike T. When Sam didn’t try to attack the moment his hand was free, Mike unstrapped his chest and helped him sit up. Sam took the little plastic cut of pills and the second cup of water.

The mix of pills were new today or at least they were different from the last time he’d been aware enough to pay attention. The trick was figuring out if they would do more harm than good. Sam was past the point where he thought drugs of any kind might work. Screwing with his brain chemistry wasn’t going to make Lucifer go away. Having seizures because of pills he didn’t need would be fun for no one.

“What are the blue ones?” Sam tried to keep his tone soft but he had the doctor’s attention the moment he asked the question.

“They’re to help stabilize your moods.”

That meant either an  anticonvulsant or an antipsychotic, and both could be really bad news for a healthy person. Sam wasn’t sure he qualified as healthy but still. 

He balanced the water cup on his knee and picked out the pills one at a time. The doctors seemed to relax after he had carefully swallowed the first two (painkillers) and the big white one (a sedative). The two little blue pills he tipped into his mouth together. He pinned them under his tongue and swallowed the water in one big gulp. The orderly glanced at his mouth but didn’t put any time into it and nodded to the doctor without noticing what Sam had done. 

The doctor made another check on Sam’s chart and smiled at Sam. “I’m going to recommend you stay in your room today. I believe we may have found the right medication for you, but I’d like to wait a few days to make sure.”

Sam nodded mutely as they turned to leave. He hadn’t expected anything different.

The doctor was about to close the door when Sam called out. “Doctor?”

“Yes, Sam?”

“Can I have some paper?”

The doctor considered him. Sam had never asked for anything before. Sam could see the calculating wheels behind his eyes but couldn’t tell if it was a good sign or a bad one.

“I’ll have a nurse bring you some.”

Sam let a little tension ease out of his shoulders. “Thank you.”

“Paper?” Lucifer asked. He was standing by the window running a finger over the glass, fogging it up, then drawing meaningless patterns and wiping them away to start again.

Sam could afford to be nice. Lucifer had let him sleep, tit for tat and all. “Your cranes were beautiful, I thought maybe I’d try making some.” 

Lucifer turned and looked at him, blinking as if Sam had caught him completely off guard. “Oh.”

Sam rolled his shoulder. “Not much else to do in here.”

Lucifer watched him for another moment. Finally he nodded. “Alright but I warn you, you’ll probably be disappointed, holding yourself up next to my perfection like that.”

“I’ll try to lower my standards.” Lucifer was apparently still enough of an angel that he didn’t get sarcasm, but he did scowl when Sam rolled his eyes.

A nurse did bring him some paper and Sam carefully tore off the edge to make it square.  Lucifer walked him through the steps, mocking him the entire time. His first crane was lopsided and the wings were at the wrong angle. His second was a little better. By the time the nurse brought his lunch Sam had run out of paper.

Lucifer picked up his latest attempt as Sam ate. “You’re still not getting the head right.”

Sam couldn’t see anything wrong with it but in the end it was only something to do to keep his hands moving and to get Lucifer off his back. He took another bite instead of answering but it seemed Lucifer hadn’t been expecting him to contribute anyway.

“And your folds need to be sharper. You’ll never be able to make small ones if you keep this up. It’s a good thing you have me or you’d never get any better.”

Sam went back to it after lunch. The paper ran out again half way through the afternoon and it didn’t look like he was going to get any more. With his last sheet he made a fortune teller instead. Lucifer was fascinated. 

With the single felt tip marker he had been able to scrounge, Sam wrote out the colors and numbers on the flaps. He showed Lucifer how to put his fingers in the underside and count out a pattern. Only then did he realize that he’d forgotten to write in the fortunes. It wasn’t like it would change anything, but still…. He tried to hide the blank space from the angel, and spouted off the first thing that came to mind. He knew Lucifer was in his head so it was kind of futile but Lucifer seemed to appreciate it when Sam treated him as if he was real.

“ If your desires are not extravagant, they will be rewarded. ” Sam vaguely remembered reading something like that on a fortune cookie once. 

Lucifer snorted out a laugh. He held out a hand and Sam only hesitated for a moment before passing the fortune teller over. Lucifer studies it for a moment as if it was some foreign artifact, then he held it out and told Sam to choose.

The rest of the afternoon was slow, but not terrible. Sam chose numbers and colors over and over again and each time Lucifer came up with something more ridiculous. “Expect an unexpected windfall.” to “Avoid the color blue.” to “The rubber bands are heading in the right direction.” Sam leaned back in his bed and made appropriately exasperated faces. Sam had had worse days cooped up in hotel rooms with Dean.

For the second night in a row Sam slept for more than five hours.

 


	3. Chapter 3

“Well Sam, it looks like you’re feeling better this morning.”

Sam was sitting on his bed as the doctor made his way through Sam’s chart.

“Yeah, I slept pretty well.”

Lucifer had stolen q-tips from somewhere and was building a structure out of them. Whenever he ran out of building materials he’d pull a new one out of an ear. Not his own ear of course; instead he’d go fishing around in the doctor’s ear or the orderly’s. Sam tried not to react but Lucifer would catch his eye and smirk.

“New hobby?” The doctor gestured to the cranes spilling off the table.

Sam shrugged. “It was something to do.”

The doctor made more notes and the orderly handed over Sam’s pills. Like the day before Sam swallowed them one by one, again only pretending to swallow the blue one.

“I’ll see the nurses bring you some more paper.” 

Sam tried not to feel disappointed. He hadn’t really thought that the doctor would let him out after only one day but the little room was worse than some of the prisons Sam had been to, and he didn’t have high hopes for Lucifer behaving for very much longer. Sam nodded and let them leave without protest.

“Well that was anticlimactic.” Lucifer said.

Sam spat the blue pill out into his hand. He slid off the bed to kneel on the floor, and pulled the flimsy desk chair towards himself. Lucifer had been balancing one foot on it, and the movement made him wobble. Instead of just standing up or vanishing, Lucifer let himself fall. Sam was caught off guard when Lucifer landed on his back and shoulders. 

Hallucination or not he felt real, and Sam was bent over like a pretzel, gasping for breath. Lucifer let his head roll back over Sam’s arm and smiled. 

“Hey.”

Sam rolled his eyes and shoved ineffectualy at the dead weight on top of him. Lucifer only moved far enough to roll into Sam’s lap. Sam sighed, and carefully set the pills on the chair.

“Do you really want it to be that way?”

Lucifer lifted one eyebrow. He was wearing a butter wouldn’t melt expression. “What do you mean?”

“I liked yesterday. I thought…” Sam trailed off, and shook his hair out of his eyes. “Can we, maybe make some kind of deal here? I, this is, there are things I need to do to survive. I’m only human. I won’t try to push you away anymore, but in exchange can you, you know, let me sleep and eat and all that. Chances are, this is it. I’m not leaving this place any time soon, if ever, but we’ll both be able to fight off the boredom a lot easier if I can at least go to the day room.”

Lucifer let his head fall back and pursed his lips. “Hmmm. So you’re offering to do what I want, as long as everyone else thinks you’re semi-stable? Sam you’ve got to know that you went off the deep end long before I got here. You would have ended up in a place like this with or without my help, at least this way you have my charming self to talk to.”

That wasn’t quite what he’d been going for. Still, at least Lucifer hadn’t shot down the idea and gone straight back to throwing fireworks under his bed or something. Baby steps.

“Do we have a deal?”

Lucifer smiled in a way that reminded Sam exactly who he was talking to, hallucination or not. “Deal.” Lucifer rolled off Sam’s lap and onto his feet. “Let’s see then, what shall we do today?” He strolled to the door and looked out the small reinforced window.

Sam took advantage of the distraction to pull the chair close again. Once he had access to a proper unmonitored shower and bathroom, Sam would be able to wash away the pills properly, but until then he had found a spot to hide them. The chair was light aluminum and plastic, nothing that would stand up to any force, but the legs were hollow. Sam pried off the plastic foot, tucked the pills away and secured the foot again.

Lucifer clapped his hands lightly, a mischievous smile in his voice. “How about a game?”

Sam desperately hoped for something simple; checkers maybe. Instead, Lucifer tapped the wall and a poster appeared. Idly, Sam wondered how insane he would look to anyone who passed by and saw him playing pin the tail on the donkey without any of the trappings. 

Eventually a nurse came with lunch. Sam asked for a deck of cards, and managed to distract Lucifer with poker for the rest of the afternoon.

 


	4. Chapter 4

“Well, isn’t this pleasant,” Lucifer said dryly. 

The doctor had decided they’d finally got the medication right and Sam was stable enough after three days to go to the day room. Apparently they’d see how he did there. If things went well they’d stick him in a therapy group. Wouldn’t that be fun?

Sam had never actually seen the day room before. He’d been in places like this before though, so he knew roughly what to expect. It was a large space with high ceilings and industrial lighting with the air conditioning turned up too high and the stale smell of hospital mixed with desperation. There were plastic tables and chairs that were probably cheap and difficult to do any damage with, but would kill his back after a few hours. 

The interior wall had a window in it opening onto a nurses station, and there were nurses and orderlies standing by the doors. Sam turned his head in time to see a blond figure shove open a door to what seemed to be an inner garden. There was grass and trees at least and some kind of flower that Sam couldn’t identify before the door slammed shut again. There were several large windows but the glass was opaque.

The room wasn’t packed but there were people wandering around and sitting at the tables. Most of them seemed to be keeping to themselves. A few were playing board games or fooling around with worn decks of cards. There was a small group in one corner being supervised by a nurse as they did some kind of art therapy with watercolors and crayons. There was an old TV in one corner playing reading rainbow and turned down low.

What really caught Sam’s eye was the shelf of worn paperbacks against one wall. They were all battered and half of them were clearly the kind of mass-market books they sold at grocery stores and airports. Only good for wasting time, but then, that was what Sam wanted them for so….

Lucifer stopped looking around when Sam moved. “Oh come now, Sam. You can’t be planning to bury your nose in a book the moment we get a little freedom.”

Sam hesitated, his steps faltering and he looked around. No one had noticed. Of course no one had noticed, He was the only one who could see Lucifer. Lucifer hadn’t even done anything to trigger the anxiety. it was just that he was so used to flinching away from interaction after all this time. Even with Dean, Sam had been hiding how bad things were for months. Being around people had brought it out again. No point in it now though, he’d already given in. Sam shook his head and started walking again.

“Just let me see what they have,” he muttered under his breath.

“Fine,” Lucifer huffed as if he was granting some great favor.

Sam managed to pull out a copy of the Two Towers before Lucifer tugged him off to stare at the television. It had changed to an episode of Sesame Street or possibly the Muppets, Sam couldn’t tell which with the volume so low. Lucifer seemed both fascinated and horrified.

The rest of Sam’s day was full of puppets.


	5. Chapter 5

 

“That’s interesting.” 

The woman was a doctor, or at least she was wearing a white coat where all the nurses were wearing green scrubs. Lucifer was currently humming  _ there are no strings on me _ in the creepiest voice he could. It would have been more effective if Sam’s life wasn’t built on creepy. 

For his part Sam had been sketching: an empty highway seen from the passenger seat of the Impala. The rear view mirror poked into the upper right hand corner and Sam had carefully added the heating grill up near the glass.

Sam shrugged and passed the paper over when she asked if she could see it.

“That’s some nice detail, but the landscape is a bit empty don’t you think?”

There was one stand of trees and a stop sign at a crossroad just visible in the distance, otherwise the doctor was right. Of course just because it was empty didn’t mean it was wrong. Sam shrugged again.

“It’s not finished yet.”

She nodded, looked back at the picture. “So, where are you going?” She slid the paper back to him and tapped it.

Sam let his shoulders droop slightly. He had been expecting this, but he’d hoped it would be put off until the next day at least. He put down his pencil and settled in, looking her straight on.

“Nowhere now.” He smiled without any humor. “I know I’m in a psych ward, but you don’t have to psychoanalyze me. You could just ask.”

She watched him for a long moment then nodded, and offered her hand. “I’m Doctor Samms.”

“Well, that’s going to get confusing.” Lucifer said. He pulled a chair up next to Sam and leaned forward with his head propped on his hands like this was the most interesting thing to happen all week. To be fair, it kind of was.

“Alright, no mind tricks. Why don’t you tell me what that was?”

Sam focused back on Doctor Samms. “What was what?”

“You just glanced to your left. Then you smiled and rolled your eyes. Your file says hallucinations, so what did you see?”

“Ohh, she’s good.” Lucifer looked sideways as Sam and fluttered his eyelashes. “What’re you gonna tell her?”

“There it is again. Something less pleasant this time?”

Sam shrugged. “Lucifer doesn’t like your name. Says it’s confusing since you’re Samms and I’m Sam.”

“Lucifer, like the devil?”

“Please, I may be fallen, but I’m still an angel.”

“Yep, Lucifer like the devil.” 

Lucifer gave Sam a hurt look.

“Well I guess you can call me Julia if you prefer. You see him here, now?”

Sam nodded. “Sitting right next to me. He’s been playing with puppets all morning.”

“I see.” She wrote down something on her version of the clipboard that all the staff seemed to habitually carry. “Do you see other things Sam?”

Sam leaned back. He’d decided to tell the truth so he could go ahead and relax. No need to keep up a front or keep track of the lies. “Occasionally. If he wants me too. He controls them.”

“What kind of things?”

Sam crossed his arms and looked back down at his drawing. “Things.”

She reached over and put her hand on top of one of Sam’s. “You’re in a safe space here. Does he show you things? Ask you to do things? You can tell me.”

Sam took a slow breath and thought of the open road and the Impala, and classic rock. He thought of Dean, and Cas and Jess. He thought of Gabriel telling Lucifer to shove it. He thought of anything other than the cold and dark and pain of the cage.

“I’ve seen a lot of things.” Sam finally said. He ignored the way Lucifer was pouting. “I’d prefer to put it behind me.”

“Talking things out can help you understand your feelings about what happened.”

“Oh, oh, tell her about your daddy issues. She’ll love it.” Lucifer elbowed Sam in the side. Sam couldn’t stop himself from flinching. Doctor Julia made a note of it and kept waiting for his response.

“Did you have any other questions?” Sam tried to keep his voice calm, but a bit of the frustration and pain crept in.

“Not right now, but I’d like for you to think about what I said.” She waited for him to nod before standing and heading off across the room.

“So what do you think? Well meaning but misguided or secretly sadistic?” Lucifer asked. He tipped his chair back to watch the way her ass made the hem of her coat ride up. Sam shrugged. It wasn’t like it mattered much. 

He pushed himself to his feet and headed back towards his room. Lucifer immediately started complaining, but he’d had enough of the day room. He nearly caught one of his neighbors coming out of their room but the short man ducked back inside with a yelp. Sam was almost grateful. He didn’t want to have to be nice to anyone right now.

Sam spent the rest of the afternoon doing push-ups and crunches while Lucifer taunted him and tried to make him lose count. 


	6. Chapter 6

The next day went mostly the same. Lucifer woke him up with a rerun of I Love Lucy. The actors went through the classic lines with Lucifer’s little additions. Apparently in Lucifer’s version of the show it was actually ‘I Love Lucifer’. 

The world was stuck in black and white. Lucifer was the only spot of color in Sam’s world, so when the doctor came in, Sam couldn’t tell which pill was the dangerous one. He tried to hide all of them and was terrified someone would notice until he was able to lock himself in a flimsy bathroom stall. He dug into the pills, broke them apart with his fingernails and flushed the powder.

 

Lucifer got bored of old tv shows around lunch and insisted they that he wanted to go outside. The courtyard was large, with raised flower boxes and a big tree in the center of a carefully trimmed lawn. A small flock of pigeons burst into the air as one of the other patients stood and started running for the other building. 

Sam watched the birds take to the sky. A clear blue sky like nothing he had seen in… he couldn’t even remember how long.

“It’s beautiful.” Sam said it under his breath but Lucifer didn’t need ears to hear it.

“What the pidgins? Hardly an impressive display.”

Sam just kept  his head tilted back, the sun softly kissing his skin. “They can fly.”

Lucifer rolled his eyes. “That’s hardly a challenge.”

Sam turned to look at Lucifer in surprise. “You can?”

“I can do whatever I want, I’m an archangel!” Lucifer stepped back a few feet then spread his arms wide like a showman. His expression became something holy and terrible. Sam barely noticed, he was too busy staring at the wings made of ice and smoke and rippling northern lights that unfolded from his back. 

Sam had some unfocused memories of something like this from the Cage, but the rules of reality were different there. Here, Sam knew that this wasn’t all of it. It wasn’t the whole truth, just the part of it he could comprehend. Lucifer tilted his head back, stretched his wings out to their full extent, and preened.

Sam didn’t get to look any further because one of the doctors, Julia from the day before, came and stepped between them.

“Rude,” Lucifer muttered. Except she couldn’t see him so it wasn’t, not really.

“Sam. How are you feeling today?”

He shrugged. Lucifer’s wings were a bright and alluring distraction but he tried to focus on the doctor despite them. “I’m okay.”

“That’s wonderful. I’d like to add you to my scheduled therapy session since you don’t seem to be in the middle of anything. Can you follow me please.” Her tone was light but there was an iron core to her words that made it clear it wasn’t optional. Lucifer made a rude gesture at her back. Sam tried to tell him to cut it out without actually saying anything. Lucifer either wasn’t listening or didn’t care.

Sam had never been in the second building before, but apparently there wasn’t much to see. There was a storage closet and a single unisex bathroom, but otherwise it was a concrete block of a room, half the size of a basketball court. The walls were a soft yellow but the florescent lights and the lack of windows drained any optimism that it might have generated. The only furniture was a set of stackable chairs laid out in a circle.

A half dozen people were already there, either sitting or being assisted by orderlies. Sam scanned them by habit, assessing for threats and weaknesses.

There were two young girls. One of them was so thin Sam could see the bones in her arms and her eyes were deep set in her skull; an eating disorder Sam guessed. The other girl shied away whenever anyone got too close and had drawn a big black X over her mouth with a sharpie. There was a man a little younger then Sam who rocked back and forth in his chair. A man about Dean’s age had a set of scars tangling around his left arm, where it was bound to his chest in a sling. He was assessing Sam as much as Sam was assessing him. Sam dropped his gaze to the ground, and moved on to the next person. His eyes slid over a young man who was nursing a cup of coffee, and caught on the last figure.

Gabriel. 

He was leaning against the wall with his arms crossed and his head bent, tucked in on himself. Every so often he’d glance up, eyes dancing over Sam and then off to his left. Sam realized he was staring and quickly looked away. Then he realized, of course, it was another illusion. Lucifer had conjured him, he must have.

Except Lucifer was standing in the center of the circle of chairs, mocking each of the members in turn, making observations that none of them would ever hear. He wasn’t watching for Sam’s reaction or acting overly casual, like he had in the past when he’d pulled some trick….

Doctor Julia patted the back of one of the chairs. “Would you like to have a seat Sam?” Again, it wasn’t really a question even though she phrased it as such. Sam sat.

“I swear Sam, you’re such a pushover. Months fighting me off and it only takes a few days locked up in a room to turn you into a meek little sheep.” Lucifer shook his head.

Sam glanced up and rolled one shoulder. A part of him wanted to defend himself but another part of him agreed. It wasn’t like he could do much about it either way.

“Oh, you’re back to ignoring me are you? I thought we were past that.” 

Sam opened his mouth to retort then closed it. Doctor Julia was getting everyone’s attention and Lucifer knew he couldn’t answer without looking even crazier than they thought he was.

“Richard, would you like to join us?” She really was good at that whole not really a question thing. Sam glanced up to see who she meant. There was only one empty chair left, since the orderlies had all retreated. Sam’s eyes caught on Gabriel, then slid past him. He wasn’t there, couldn’t possibly be there, but there was no one else.

Gabriel hunched in on himself a bit more. “I’m not feeling well, I’d like to go back to my room.”

“Do you need one of the nurses to take a look at you?” 

Sam looked back and forth between the doctor and Gabriel. If someone else could see him, did that mean he was real? Or did it mean that Doctor Julia was just as much in his head as Gabriel was? Was this meeting real? Was Sam standing in an empty room, or still strapped to his bed or…. 

No. If he started to question his whole reality he’d never get anywhere. If it wasn’t real then… well, then there was nothing he could do about it. If Lucifer wanted to play that game then Sam couldn’t really stop him, not anymore. Which meant he had to move forward as if Gabriel was really here.

Gabriel let his head fall back against the wall, his golden eyes dancing over the group. They briefly landed on Sam before quickly skittering away again.

“No, I just…”

“Then I’d like you to stay, please sit down.” There was iron in Doctor Julia’s voice. “Or would you like me to call the orderlies?”

Gabriel tugged at the hem of his shirt, then stuffed his hands into his pockets. His shoulders stayed hunched as he took the empty seat and he dragged his feet the whole way. Maybe it really wasn’t Gabriel. Sam had only met him a few times but Gabriel had been so full of energy. Even when he’d been trapped, he’d never been like this. This couldn't possibly be the same man who cracked jokes in the face of pagan gods and said screw you to heaven and hell alike.

Gabriel wasn’t seated directly across from Sam, but he was on the opposite side of the circle, so it was easy to watch him without really looking like that was what he was doing. Gabriel had crossed his legs and hooked one foot around the leg of his chair. His arms were wrapped around himself again, not quite crossed, more like he was trying to hold himself together.

Doctor Julia  was sitting straight-backed with her clipboard on her knees. “Now that we’re all settled, I’d like to introduce our new member. Everyone, this is Sam. He’s dealing with some hallucinations, and past trauma. I’m sure we can all relate and help him through this difficult time. Sam, since you’re new to the group would you like to introduce yourself?”

Sam sat up a little straighter. “Umm, okay. I --” He had no idea what he was supposed to say. “I ah, I’m Sam. It’s nice to meet you.” He cleared his throat and wondered if that was enough. Did he have to talk about his problems too or was just being here enough? Lucifer made a shoot me now gesture. Sam looked at Doctor Julia; she didn’t seem too pleased but it was apparently enough.

“Alright, Luis why don’t you go first today. How’s your active communication coming along?” The young man who had been rocking back and forth, stopped and glanced up. He licked his lips and started talking, but Sam only heard the first few words. Lucifer stood up and crossed the circle to stand in front of Gabriel.

“Well now, what’s this? Didn’t I kill you?”

Gabriel wasn’t looking at lucifer, he had his eyes very firmly glued to the kid speaking.

“Oh I see, the silent treatment. Well, just so you know there are no hard feelings. I’ll be the bigger man, even if you did betray everything our Father set out to build, betray your whole family to run around with those heathens and then try to stab me in the back. Literally. No, you don’t have to say it. I know pride was always a favorite sin of yours. I forgive you.” Lucifer took a deep breath and let it out again. He smiled down at Gabriel, full of teeth. “There don’t you feel better? I know I do. Maybe this whole therapy thing has it’s uses after all.” 

Lucifer waved a chair into existence and sat down next to Gabriel. He reached out and wrapped an arm around Gabriel’s shoulders. Gabriel flinched back. He was shivering but he still wasn’t looking at Lucifer. Instead his eyes had fallen to a point on the floor. 

Lucifer kept on talking as though everything was normal. “And to think, I’ve only been here a week or so. Now that’s a miracle. Of course it seems like you’ve been here a bit longer. Don’t worry I’m sure you’ll get better eventually, you do have a lot to work through. I mean I might have rebelled but it was still all part of Daddy’s plan. You, well, you went straight off the reservation, didn’t you? You were supposed to kick everything off and fight with Michael and instead you go party with the pagans. Do you think Michael will forgive you? You know, if he ever gets out of the Cage.”

Sam knew Lucifer was in his head. Gabriel shouldn’t have been able to sense him, but the way he was shrinking away from Lucifer’s touch and the blood drained from his face…. Sam tried to catch Lucifer’s eye and sent his thoughts very firmly in Lucifer’s direction. 

_ Stop that! _

Lucifer looked back at Sam and raised an eyebrow. “I’m sorry did you say something?” There was a moment where Sam tried to force Lucifer back like he had once been able to but nothing happened. “I guess not then.” Lucifer turned back to Gabriel. “I apologise for my vessel. I’ve been trying to train him but he really has no manners. I expect you know how it is. Worshipers can be such a hassle. Remind me what they called you again? Loki? Don’t worry, I know who you really are, Gabriel.” 

Gabriel recoiled from Lucifer’s touch. When Lucifer finally said his name he jerked away violently. His chair clattered to the floor. The sudden movement got everyone’s attention. The kid who had been speaking trailed off leaving them in an expectant silence.

“Richard, is there a problem?” Doctor Julia asked pointedly.

“Go ahead. Tell her what you’re seeing,” Lucifer said. “After all, you can’t get better unless you confess the truth.”

“Stop it!” Sam didn’t know when he’d gotten to his feet but he wasn’t going to retreat now. Lucifer was his burden. Whether this was actually Gabriel or not didn’t matter, he didn’t deserve to be tormented by the devil.

“Sam, please sit down.” 

Sam ignored the doctor and crossed the circle, physically interjecting himself between Lucifer and Gabriel. “It’s one thing when you’re pestering me, but you do not get to torment anyone else.” 

Lucifer looked shocked, then his expression sank into cold anger. “Are you sure you want to start this fight Sam. I think we both know who will win.”

The truth is, he didn’t. Even only a few days had made the pain and exhaustion of being locked 24-7 in his little white room, calcify into fear. At his lowest point Sam hadn’t been able to think about what came next. It was hard enough to survive to the next second, all the while wishing Lucifer would just put him out of his misery. Sam wasn’t sure he would survive going back to that, not sane enough to ever come out of it again.

Sam let his eyes fall. His shoulders were still braced but he knew Lucifer would see it as the surrender it was. “Please.”

Lucifer stepped into Sam’s space. He smiled, just a twitch of his lips, showing his teeth. It didn’t reach his eyes. “You stepped out of line Sam.”

He… had he? They had had an agreement, that much was true, but…. He had only wanted to protect Gabriel. Seeing him like that. Sam knew what it was like, or, well. No, this couldn’t really be Gabriel. It had looked like he was reacting to Lucifer but he couldn’t be. Sam’s mind was playing tricks. He hadn’t been paying attention.

“It’s not him anyway. I mean they’re calling him Richard.” Behind Sam, Gabriel, no Richard, flinched again and scooted back a little. Sam couldn’t focus on that though. “I overreacted, I made a mistake, but it’s done now.”

Lucifer wrapped his hand around the back of Sam’s neck, pulling him down until he had to look up to meet Lucifer’s eyes. “I will forgive you this time Sam, but I need to know you’ve learned your lesson.”

Sam started to nod, but Lucifer didn’t let him get to the point of speaking. Pain spiked through his mind, a migraine cranked up to 11.  Sam thought he was screaming, but he couldn’t be sure because there was a harsh ringing in his ears and the world was twisting on it’s axis. 

 


	7. Chapter 7

Sam came back to himself, strapped to his bed. He didn’t know how he’d gotten back to his room or how long he’d been there. Lucifer was sitting on the edge of his bed, stroking his hair with one hand. When Sam shifted Lucifer marked the page in his book and looked down on him.

“I know you didn’t mean to say those things. I’m very sorry I had to do that to you Sam but I had to be sure you understood the lesson. Now, let’s put it behind us. This never needs to happen again.” 

Sam wanted to curl up into a ball and let the tears fall until he was too empty to think. Except he was strapped down so even that wasn’t an option. Instead he closed his eyes and tried to force himself back to sleep.

 


	8. Chapter 8

“How are you feeling this morning Sam?”

He had never payed much notice to the doctor who did the morning rounds but Sam was grateful that at least it wasn’t Doctor Julia. Sam had a feeling that the next time he saw her, she would have a whole new set of labels for him.

Sam shrugged.

“Any headaches, nausea, dizziness?” 

Sam shook his head.

“Are you feeling well enough to talk about yesterday’s incident?”

Lucifer patted Sam’s shoulder. “It’s alright Sam. I’ll be there every step.”

Sam didn’t want to talk about it. He didn’t want Lucifer there every step. He didn’t want Lucifer there at all, but if he thought about it too much Lucifer would notice, so he couldn’t think about it. Sam nodded to the doctor.

They unstrapped Sam and gave him his pills, then left him to wait there until Doctor Julia was available. They locked the door behind them. Sam hid the blue pill in his chair and sat there waiting. Lucifer amused himself by blowing pastel bubbles that clung to the ceiling, distorting the harsh fluorescents until the room was full of soft rainbows.

Doctor Julia knocked before she came in. She smoothed out the covers on the end of the bed before sitting and looking at him over her notepad.

“I’m sorry about yesterday.” Sam said before she could get started.

“That’s alright Sam. I understand you recently changed to a new medication, sometimes there can be unexpected side effects. I’m sure we can put it behind us.”

From behind her Lucifer smiled.

“Actually I believe this is a good opportunity to dig into some of the emotions behind the incident.” 

Sam settled back. “Like what?”

“Like your instinct to play the hero.”

Sam tried not to react but he knew she read something off him since she started scribbling down notes. Lucifer peaked over her shoulder. Sam looked from Lucifer to the notepad.

Lucifer looked back at Sam and shrugged. “Doctor handwriting.”

“Richard fell off his chair. Hardly something to be concerned about but he had also mentioned he wasn’t feeling well. You immediately rushed to his defence from a perceived enemy.”

Sam glanced up at Lucifer. “That isn’t what happened.”

“Of course not, Richard was in no danger. However the fact that you felt like you needed to act the way you did, shows you have a compulsion to save people.”

“Well she’s not wrong,” Lucifer muttered.

“Now your brother didn’t provide us with much of a history and we’re still having trouble transferring your medical records, but if I was to guess, I’d say you didn’t have much of a home life growing up. Often people who internalize that kind of hardship as a child will spend the rest of their life fighting it in one way or another. You put yourself between Richard and the imagined threat, but once he was safe you didn’t continue to fight. You had already given up by the time you collapsed. This tells me that you don’t think you deserve the same help that Richard did. Tell me Sam, do you feel you are worth saving?”  

“I--” Sam was clutching his hands together, thumb running along the scar on his palm. 

“Go on Sam. There’s no shame in admitting the truth. You tried your best, but in the end not everyone deserves heaven.” Lucifer held up his hands as if to say it is what it is.

“I… no. I think everyone is safer with me in here.” 

Doctor Julia leaned forward and laid her hand on Sam’s. “You’re not alone in this fight.”

Behind the doctor Lucifer was nodding. “You and me, together till the end of the line.”

Doctor Julia finally seemed to notice where Sam’s eyes kept glancing. “Another hallucination? You know they can’t hurt you.”

“I never  _ want _ to hurt you Sam.”

Sam glanced back and forth between the doctor and the archangel. He ended up looking back at his hands. “I know.” 

Doctor Julia tapped her pen on her clipboard a few times then scribbled down another note. “Richard is fine by the way. He asked about you.”

Sam’s chest tightened. “He did? I mean, that’s good, I’m glad.”

“I’ll be sure to tell him you’re alright.” 

“Umm, can I ask. Does he, hate me?” Sam took a breath and ignored the warning look Lucifer was sending him. “I thought I saw him the other night but I was really out of it and since then I think he’s been avoiding me. If he doesn’t want to see me or something, I’ll understand.”

“Actually I think it’d be a good idea for the two of you to talk. There seem to be some misconceptions between you. Getting everything out in the open will help clear the air. The two of you are already neighbors, I’m sure you can be good friends.”

“Think he’ll let us borrow a cup of sugar?” Lucifer said in the dryest voice he could manage.

“I’d like that.” Sam smiled for the first time that day.


	9. Chapter 9

Sam was pacing his room. They wanted him to stay in there the rest of the day, just in case he had another episode. Doctor Julia had said she would talk to Richard. Sam really hoped he agreed to talk. Except even if he did, Sam still had Lucifer to deal with. Sam kind of understood it. If you thought you could only talk to one person for the rest of your life and then another person randomly showed up who could see you…. The fact that Richard looked like Gabriel was just icing on the cake.

The knock at the door pulled Sam out of his head. A nurse entered, gave him a quick once over then nodded towards the front. “Your brother’s here for a visit. Not too long though, the doctors want you to take it easy.”

Dean. Dean was here. The wire between Sam’s immediately shoulders eased the headache that had been threatening to start behind his eyes fizzled into nothing. He followed the nurse with a smile on his face.

Dean was waiting in one of the private therapy rooms. There was a couch and a table, and a window looking over the courtyard. Dean stood the moment Sam came in. He pulled Sam into a hug, then when the backslapping was done he pulled back to look at Sam properly.

“Are you okay? Did they find some way to get him out of your head?”

Sam’s smile faltered. “Ah, no. He’s still here.”

“That’s a bit presumptuous.” Sam grimaced at Lucifer’s remark. The archangel had taken a seat in the middle of the couch and stretched out his arms along the back so he took up the whole thing. Sam nodded at the table instead. Dean followed his lead.

“So, what then, are the meds helping somehow? Don’t get me wrong I’m happy you’re vertical but how?”

“I made a deal with him.” Dean raised his eyebrows. Sam grimaced, but nodded. “I know but in here at least he can’t hurt anyone, and I couldn’t kill myself if I tried. They won't give me anything dangerous, hell they took away my shoelaces.” Sam waggled his day-slippers. “If something does happen there are dozens of people who are trained and paid to keep me alive and whole. Even if they do try to get into my head.”

“Are you sure?”

“This is the best option, at least until something else comes along.”

Dean let out a breath. “Yeah, okay. I’ve got some ideas on that front actually. I’ve been playing phone tag with a hunter named Mackey, old friend of Bobby’s. He says he knows about a healer, like magic touch, poof.”

“Dean. I don’t know.”

“I know it’s probably crap, just let me do this.”

Sam let out a breath. “Okay,”

“He’s all the way over on the west coast so it’ll probably take me a week to get there and back, if he’s the real deal.”

“A week’s pushing it, don’t you think? You need sleep too.”

“Not as much as you. You’ve still got circles under your eyes and when I came in the doctors told me about your episode. What does that even mean?”

Sam bit his lip. “I--”

“You broke your promise.” Lucifer reminded him.

“There was another patient. It looked like he could sense Lucifer somehow.”

“What like a psychic or like the demon kids?”

Sam tried to think of a good way to lay it out there but he couldn’t think of anything, so he played it straight. “He looks like Gabriel.”

Dean’s expression got stuck somewhere between shock and confusion.

“I know it sounds crazy but…” Sam waved his hands at the building around them. “I don’t know if he’s a lookalike or his vessel but he wasn’t acting like the Trickster.”

Dean started talking over him before he was half done. “Shit, Sam. I’m getting you out of here. We’ll transfer to another place, no fuck, I’ll get you out tonight--”

“Dean!” Sam caught Dean’s eyes, made him listen. “He’s not a threat. I can handle this.”

Dean ran his hand over his mouth. “Are you sure.”

“I’m sure. Go find that healer or whatever. I’ve kept Lucifer locked up this long. I’m strong enough to ride it out.” It was a front, mostly. Except it wasn’t really. Maybe it was just that he wanted to impress his big brother. Maybe he’d caught his second wind. 

“You’re sure?” Dean asked again.

“I’ve got this.”

Dean held Sam’s eyes for another minute, then sat back and nodded. Sam could tell he didn’t like it, but he’d do it anyway.

 


	10. Chapter 10

 

Lucifer was sitting cross legged on the bed. He had found a copy of Waiting For Gadot and was doing a dramatic reading. He was playing Vladimir and he’d drawn a face on his hand to play Estragon. Sam had pulled the chair over by the opaque glass of the window. It was dark outside, had to be after midnight by now, so he couldn’t have seen anything even if the glass wasn’t tinted.

Sam had been thinking ever since Dean left. Nothing concentrated, nothing Lucifer would pick up on, just threads that circled around each other, slowly pulling together. He kept coming back to Dean, what he’d said to Dean.

“Hey, can we talk?”

Lucifer and the hand-face both turned to look at Sam.

“I’m not going to fight you.”

“That’s a very good choice Sam.”

“Yeah, I’m not going to fight you, so you can’t go after Gabriel, Richard, like that. Not him, not anyone else.”

Lucifer rocked forward until he was standing upright on the bed. The mattress squeaked as he stepped forward to tower over Sam.

“I won’t try to force you down again. I won’t break my word, but that’s the line.”

“The line.” Lucifer drew out the words like he didn’t like the taste of them.

“I’ll keep you entertained. I’ll play the jester in this madhouse, but that’s where it ends, with me. If you don’t like it you can knock me out again or whatever, but they’ll just stick me back in here, and I think you hate this room just as much as I do.”

Lucifer looked like he wanted to flair his wings again, like he wanted to order Sam to kneel and obey. Power flickered around him like a mirage. Sam waited for the world to go dark again, but until that happened he was going to hold his ground.

Then it stopped. The energy around Lucifer cracked, shattered. Lucifer tilted his head to one side. After a moment he smiled, and crouched down. He beckoned Sam closer. Sam considered not going but what else was there? They were stuck in this room, Lucifer was literally in his head, so he stood up and stepped forward.

Lucifer pulled Sam in with a hand on the crook of his neck. “Sam I am very fond of you, so I’ll try, but--”

“No buts. That’s the line.”

“Honestly, I’m hurt. All I ask for is a little consideration. You of all people should understand. He’s likely the closest thing I have left to a brother.”

Sam dropped his eyes.

“I get to talk to him. I admit I may have jumped the gun last time, but how would you feel? You’ve lost Dean before, you can’t tell me that you wouldn’t want to talk to him after something like that.”

Sam hesitated, but again what could he do? “Alright, but if he’s in here, he’s not… what he was. Go easy.”

“Of course.” Lucifer’s smile was wide and easy. Sam went to sleep with it still hovering over his head.

 


	11. Chapter 11

Richard, Sam reminds himself for the hundredth time, his name is Richard. Sam is sure he’s going to slip up but he’s got to try. The other man, whatever name he chose to use, had agreed to talk to Sam. The doctors had wanted to do it in one of the little rooms like the one Sam had met Dean in. Apparently Richard hadn’t liked that idea though, because now they were going to talk in the day room.

He was tucked up in a corner of the big room, sitting at a little circular table. The light from the clouded window behind him caught on his hair, turning it into spun gold. He had a paper cup of coffee between his hands but he hadn’t really touched it, at least not while Sam had been watching. Doctor Julia and a pair of orderlies were watching from a couple of tables away.

Sam walked up slowly with his hands in his pockets. “Let me guess, too bitter?”

The other man glanced up, then away again. He laughed, short and nervous. “Yeah, they never give me more than two sugar packets. I keep trying to tell them that this is America and Starbucks is a constitutional right but no one’s listened yet.”

“You can have my share. It’s not like I need the caffeine.”

“Yeah, the sleeping thing. Got that memo.”

“So that really was you the other night, it wasn’t just in my head.”

Gabriel shook his head. “Nope, that was me.” He still wasn’t meeting Sam’s eyes.

Sam didn’t know how this was supposed to go, but he was fairly sure he was failing so far. At least Lucifer was doing as he’d agreed and hanging back for the time being.

“May I sit?”

“Knock yourself out.”

Sam pulled up a chair adjacent to Gabriel, leaving him a clear exit route if he wanted it.

“Thank you for talking to me. I’m really sorry.”

Gabriel was already shaking his head. “I get it. It wasn’t you.”

“Yeah, that’s the thing I don’t understand.” Sam looked over at Lucifer who was leaning against the wall and watching them with his hands in his pockets. Gabriel followed his look, and quickly turned back to his coffee.

“You really can see him.”

Gabriel gives him a look like ‘duh’. “I would use the whole ‘I see dead people’ line but….” he waved a hand.

“It’s been done?”

Gabriel snorted. “It’s a classic. Hell, it’s like one of the first memes. I would totally steal that line, but he’s not actually a dead person so it doesn’t count.” Gabriel sounded a lot more like himself, or a lot more at ease if he wasn’t Gabriel, but he still wasn’t meeting Sam’s eyes.

Sam wished he had some coffee of his own so that he had something to do with his hands. “So, have you always been able to see things?”

“I guess, I mean since I came here I have. Before that it’s kind of fuzzy. Like, there was this girl she ended up in here for arson after her brother died in a fire. Her brother was a nice guy at first. I kind of figured she must have had two siblings since he kept visiting her and no one said anything. Wasn’t until he poofed out in the middle of a fight that I realized. They had a lot of fights after that. That’s when the fires started. I tried to tell them it wasn’t her fault.” Gabriel trailed off, then seemed to rally himself. “Turned out she had this bracelet, it got caught in one of the fires, left her with some nasty burns but he didn’t come back so…”

“It must have been the anchor for the spirit.”

Gabriel lifted one eyebrow. “You know the shrinks are normally talking to me about symbolism by this part in the conversation.”

Sam shrugged. “I have Lucifer for a headmate and hunt monsters for a living. There’s a reason I’m in here. Although, if you see any other ghosts I’ll be happy to help get rid of them.”

Gabriel laughed, but it didn’t last long. His eyes slid over to Lucifer, before he forced them back to his coffee. Sam figured he wasn’t going to get a better segway.

“Actually, see, Lucifer and I have an agreement. I guess you already know about what it was like when I was brought in.” Gabriel was starting to pull away again. “It’s not anything bad, mostly. He lets me get a regular amount of sleep and I keep him entertained. No blood or sacrifices or anything, just paper airplanes and card games and things. We play checkers.” Sam smiled trying to make it sound better then it probably was.

“What Sam is trying to say is that I was very pleased to find someone else here who could see me. “ Sam hadn’t noticed Lucifer coming up behind him. “I do apologise for the other day, but finding a missing brother who I was sure was dead has to count as extenuating consequences. Hmm, I suppose I should apologise for that as well. I’m very sorry for trying to kill you Gabriel, bygones?”

“My name isn’t Gabriel!” It’s louder then he probably meant it. It was high pitched and wavering like he was desperate, scrambling for something to hold onto.

Doctor Julia came over from the other table. “Richard, are you alright?” Sam tried to subtly wave Lucifer away. Gabriel had his eyes closed, and was breathing in and out in a carefully measured rhythm. Sam considered just getting up and walking away. Maybe it would be for the best if he just avoided Gabriel... Richard.

“I’m sorry,” Sam glanced at Doctor Julia, “Richard, I’ll remember.”

“Sam, I think it would be best if you went back to your room for a while,” Doctor Julia said.

“No, I’ll go.” Richard stood and circled the table on the side away from Sam. He kept his eyes on the ground the whole way out of the room.

Sam slumped forward, putting his head down on his arms. He spoke to the table, knowing Lucifer would hear him. “I was handling it.”

“You were dancing around the issue,” Lucifer retorted.

In a perfect world Sam would have pushed himself to his feet and followed Gabriel, leaving Lucifer behind to sulk, but that wasn’t an option. Sam closed his eyes and tried to picture the Impala, soft rock on the radio, the smell of leather and oil over the grease from years of fast food and blood and bleach. The way the car always took longer then expected to cool off when you turned the air conditioning on. The way the rain sounded on her hood at night.

“Oh please, It’s just a car.”

Sam turned his head enough to see Lucifer with one eye. The devil was rolling his eyes with his arms crossed. Sam put his head back down and considered going to his room anyway. The thought of being stuck in there was still too much though so instead he pushed himself to his feet and headed for the courtyard. Sam found an empty bench and leaned back, looking up at the sky. He could feel Lucifer pouting.

“Sam...Sam...Sam look at me. I thought we were past this.”

Sam didn’t look at him.

“Oh I see, we’re sulking now, well if you want to act like a four year old, fine.”

A mobile with little white winged cherubs poofed into existence over Sam’s head directly in his line of sight. Sam let his eyes drop and found the bench had become a changing table complete with a little baby blue blanket and toy rattle. At least Lucifer hadn’t put him in a diaper.

“I’m not sulking,” even Sam had to admit it did kind of sound like it, “I’m just waiting for you to say something worth listening to. Like maybe an apology.”

“And what exactly should I be apologising for?” Lucifer had his chin up and his arms crossed. “All I did was apologise to Gabriel. Did you have any idea he would react like that? No? As you are so fond of pointing out, I’m in your head. I am a magnificent being, broader and more complex than you could ever fathom, but in this instance I am just as limited as you are.”

Sam ran a hand over his eyes. Lucifer was right. He hated that Lucifer was right. He wanted to talk to someone other than the archangel, someone who would understand and wouldn’t blame him. For some reason he’d been thinking that was Gabriel. Richard was in here with him though, and there had to be a reason for that.

Sam wanted to know more. Talking to Gabriel would have been the easiest way to learn the truth, but Sam was pretty sure that option had just been crossed off. So when a witness was unavailable….

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “I know that look, you’re going to do something  ill advised aren’t you?”

“Maybe.”


	12. Chapter 12

The facility was compartmentalized. There was higher security around the pharmacy section and the medical records. Offices were less secure. The day room and patient living spaces didn’t have a lot of electronic security but they had the most activity. There was always a staff of nurses and orderlies even in the middle of the night. The locks weren’t new but they were sturdy. 

Sam spent the afternoon mapping out what he could in his head. His room was locked at night but with a bit of effort he was fairly sure he could open it. All he needed was a bit of wire or stiff plastic, except they were in surprisingly short supply, probably for that exact reason.

In the end Sam had to spend nearly five minutes fiddling with the lock with the broken handle of a spork and a screw from his chair. Lucifer watched him the whole time in stoic silence. Sam had a feeling he was only silent because he was dressed as a ninja.

“What, no ninja outfit for me?” Sam asked when he finally got the door open and glanced into the hall.

“あなたは忍者であること扱うことができませんでした。忍者以外に決してがキャッチしないを取得し、あなたはおそらく、会場の最後にそれをすることはありません。”

That made Sam stop and glance back. He didn’t know Japanese or whatever language Lucifer was speaking. He didn’t have a chance to ask because he was distracted by the words floating around Lucifer like… he was giving himself subtitles. Because of course he was.

_ You could not handle being a ninja. Besides ninjas never get caught and you probably won't make it to the end of the hall. _

Sam rolled his eyes. “You could help me with that you know.”

“それは害から私のサーバントを保護するかもしれないの戦士としての私の義務です。私は真の知識のためのあなたの検索であなたを助けます。”

Sam barely managed to read:  _ It is my duty as a mighty warrior to protect my servant from harm. I will aid you in your search for true knowledge.  _ Before Lucifer poofed out of existence in a cloud of purple smoke.

Sam glanced into the hall again. Lucifer was halfway down the corridor, bent over and sneaking with overly exaggerated movements. When he reached the end he glanced in both directions and held up a closed fist. Sam waited. A moment later, a nurse passed sipping on an overly large cup of coffee and absorbed in the file she was reading. Lucifer pressed himself against the wall as she passed. When the coast was clear Lucifer waved Sam over. Lucifer held a finger up to his mask before repeating the process with the next corner.

It was actually incredibly useful. Sam was sure he’d have managed to get into the record room without Lucifer. It wasn’t like the security was outrageous when compared to other places Sam had broken into or out of, but having a second set of eyes was what he was used to. Sam still had to fiddle with all the locks, but he didn’t have to keep a lookout while he was at it. Sam had no idea how it worked but apparently it did.

Sam had to go through the records in the dark because the staff break room was right across the hall, but again Lucifer provided a solution. He pulled a pen light from nowhere, No one else could see the light, but it was real enough for Sam. 

He found his own file first. Apparently things were organized by patient number rather then name. Sam grabbed his file and kept looking. Richard’s file was labeled as John Doe 227 so he missed it the first go through. It was thick and covered at least two years. He had just started reading when Lucifer waved him to stillness and turned off his light.

There had been a few people come and go from the break room but apparently it was time for a shift change. Sam clutched the files to his chest and silently wished he had a watch. They checked to rooms at midnight and if he wasn’t in his bed he would probably get in trouble, especially if they caught him in carting around other patients records. There was just no way he could read everything in time.

From behind his mask Lucifer rolled his eyes. “私も知りたいので、私はこれだけをやっています。感謝します。”  _ I’m only doing this because I want to know too. Be grateful.  _ He held a hand over the documents. With another poof of purple smoke a duplicate set of documents appeared in the angel’s other hand. 

Sam blinked at the duplicate. “But how? I haven’t seen what’s in here yet.” Sam flipped the duplicate packet open to a random page. It looked authentic. 

“マスター忍者の素晴らしいスキルを疑うしないでください。” _ Do not doubt the amazing skills of a master ninja. _

Sam tucked the real packets into an open cabinet and ducked down beside the door. When Lucifer gave the all clear Sam slinked into the hall back toward his room. He nearly made it too. 

Sam had cut through the day room on his way back, the fake files tucked loosely to his chest. He was about to make a break for his room when Lucifer caught his sleeve and tugged him back. There was an orderly going coming down the hall checking doors, and he was headed straight for them.

Sam took a centering breath and nodded his thanks to Lucifer. If he was lucky he could circle around through the front offices and no one would be any the wiser. Sam kept his eyes on the hall in case the orderly increased his pase, and turned onto his new path.

Gabriel hit him square in the chest and they both fell backwards. Gabriel caught a chair and managed to stop him fall but Sam went sprawling, caught completely off guard.

“What the fuck?” Gabriel said, before slapping a hand over his mouth and darting a look at the hallway. “What are you doing here?” he continued in a loud hiss.

“Lucifer!” Sam glared at his counterpart.

“同じくらい私がしたいように、私はサム遍在ありませんよ。私はたくさんのことを追跡することができます。”  _ As much as I’d like to be, I’m not omnipresent Sam. I can only keep track of so many things.   _

“Is that Japanese? I’m not sure that’s how you say that.” Gabriel pointed out.

“私はそれがあると言う場合、それはあります。”  _ It is if I say it is. _

“Ah no.”

“Guys,” Sam hissed, “Now? Really?“ Sam pushed himself to his feet. He offered a hand to Gabriel then froze. The crackle of a radio sparked from down the hall. Gabriel must have heard it too because he grabbed Sam’s hand and pulled him towards the kitchen. Gabriel clearly knew where he was going, he turned the first corner without hesitation, then paused momentarily at the second. One glance told them the coast was clear.

They made it halfway down the hall before a flashlight beam swept over the floor at the other end and another crackle of radio. Gabriel made a little squeaking sound.

“申し訳ありませんが、あなた自身にしています。”  _ Sorry, you’re on your own _ . Lucifer said before another cloud of purple smoke made him vanish. Sam waved the smoke away from his face trying to hold back a cough. Then Gabriel was dragging him into a closet.

The space was tiny. A bucket tangled with Sam’s feet and he would have fallen over again except there was no room. He banged his arm into a shelf, managed to catch the half empty bottle of glass-cleaner that tried to fall and then suddenly had an arm full of Gabriel.

Gabriel pulled the door closed behind them and only then seemed to realized that there was less than no room. “What on earth do they feed you?” 

Sam pulled Gabriel close, pressing a pair of fingers to his lips as the guard’s footsteps passed their hiding spot. Sam held his breath. The squeak of his shoes seemed to take an age to fade away. He finally let out his breath, trying to calm his pounding heart. Only then did Sam take in the smell of burnt sugar and rain that surrounded Gabriel, the way his hair flopped into his eyes, the way he was molded against Sam’s front. Then Sam had to control himself for an entirely new reason.

It wasn’t the first time he’d noticed Gabriel was attractive. It was just nothing he had ever been able to act on. Once they’d found out Gabriel wasn’t human, Sam had written off his attraction. Now Sam didn’t know what to feel.

“Fuck, you are ripped,” Gabriel sounded like he was biting his lip. He shifted and Sam felt a hard length press against his leg. Thank god it was dark because Sam’s face went bright red. He cleared his throat and tried to shift away.

“Shit sorry. It’s a candy bar. I swear it’s just a candy bar. I mean, not that you’re not, because you are, but I mean,” Gabriel stammered. 

“No, yeah, of course,” Sam tried to wave him off and knocked a jug of bleach off another shelf. They scrambled for it and knocked over a collection of mops and brooms that had been propped behind Sam. Gabriel ended up holding the jug by two fingers with Sam on top of him pressed against the door with the brooms in the crook of his arm. Their faces were a bare inch apart.

Sam had enough time to think:  _ shit I hope no one heard that, _ followed by:  _ wow his eyes are beautiful.  _ Before the door was pulled out from under them. They spilled out into the hallway, brooms and bleach and all, limbs tangled together. Sam barely kept himself from crushing the smaller man. He had to squint when the beam from a flashlight hit him square in the face.

“I found them. West corridor,” The orderly said into his radio.

Gabriel met his eyes, and Sam knew he was blushing again. “Sorry.”

They were escorted back to their rooms and locked in. Sam wasn’t strapped down but only because he didn’t try to protest. Lucifer was waiting for him, no longer dressed as a ninja.

“Yes I know, I’m hopeless without you,” Sam said before Lucifer could start in on him. It was enough to mollify the devil into letting him get some sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The translations are from google translate so I know they're terrible but well... that's kind of the point. :)


	13. Chapter 13

The doctor looked at Sam over the top of his glasses. “I heard you decided to leave your room last night.” 

Sam took the pills that the orderly passed him. He rattled them around the cup. “I couldn’t sleep and decided to get a book from the day room.”

“They lock the doors at night.”

Sam rolled one shoulder in a half-shrug. “Must have missed mine.”

“And Richard?”

Sam glanced up, met the doctor’s eyes then looked back at his pills. “He was in the day room, I just wanted to say I was sorry again.”

“And the broom closet?”

Sam blushed. He didn’t want to but at least it helped his cause.

“Well, I suppose we can let you off with a warning since this is your first mark against you. Now, do you think you couldn’t sleep because of your hallucinations?”

Sam shook his head. “No it’s not that. I think I’m just used to less sleep so I feel like I shouldn’t be tired, or shouldn’t be able to sleep or something.” Sam punctuated his statement by swallowing his pills, keeping the blue one under his tongue. He looked up at the doctor with the puppy eyes that even Dean couldn’t say no to.

The doctor pursed his lips. “Alright, but I want you to stay in your room this morning and try to sleep.”

Sam nodded. The doctors left, locking the door behind them. Sam waited a beat, then spat the pill onto his hand. He hid the pill in his chair, then sat back on his bed. He was actually fine sleep wise, hunter training was good for that kind of thing. He looked at Lucifer, waiting for the angel to suggest something.

“Twister?” Lucifer held up the spinner and flicked it.   

Sam stood and stretched.

“Left foot blue.”


	14. Chapter 14

Richard plunked down his tray across from Sam’s, and started digging into his mash potatoes. Sam had sat alone at his little table in the corner of the cafeteria since the first day he’d been allowed out of his room. No one had ever wanted to sit with him and he hadn’t made the effort to sit with anyone else.

“Umm, hi.”

Richard glanced up then back to his meal. It wasn’t very impressive, institutional food never was; the mash potatoes had a gritty texture, the green beans were limp and the chicken nuggets were just about what you’d expect. It was kind of a sad fact that after years eating out of diners and gas stations Sam knew it could get a whole lot worse.

Richard made a get on with it gesture. “So, out with it.”

“Out with what?”

“What were you doing? I figure you at least owe me the truth after getting me caught like that.”

“What, I didn’t--” Sam sputtered.

Richard rolled his eyes. “I’ve been sneaking around for months and I’ve never gotten caught, it’s totally your fault.”

Sam opened his mouth to protest, then froze. He couldn’t just come out and say that he’d stolen Richard’s file because the other man didn’t want to talk.

Lucifer propped himself up on Sam’s head. “He was stealing files from the records room, yours specifically.” He dropped the two files onto the table with an ominous thump.

Sam looked at the files, biting his lip. With Lucifer putting all his weight on him, Sam had to glance up through his lashes to see Richard’s expression. More nervous than angry but there was also something else, curiosity maybe?

“This is my file?”

Sam nodded.

“And this one?” Richard pointed at the second file.

“My file, I found it first so I took it.”

“You, or him?” Richard pointed up at Lucifer.

Sam considered that. “Him I guess, I mean they’re not really here so…. I honestly have no idea how it works.”

Richard nodded, and his face took on that, “I’m going to make you miserable” expression. He spun Sams file around and flipped it open. “Only fair that I read it then, if you’re going to read mine.” The first page was basic medical information: height, weight, blood type, condition upon entry. Nothing Sam really cared if he saw, but still.  

Sam opened his mouth to protest then reconsidered. “You don’t mind if I read your file?”

Richard switched to the next page: a report of the first set of medications they had tried to give him and a chart displaying several statistics over the course of several days. Those first weeks hadn’t been very pretty and the chart reflected that. Richard waved a hand for him to go on. 

“You’ll see.”

Sam pulled Richard’s file up in front of him and Lucifer leaned over his shoulder to read it. It too started with basic medical information. Sam noted that Richard was a universal blood donor and that a scar on his chest was listed under identifying marks. 

Richard had made it to the doctor assessments. “ Paranoid schizophrenic, religious psychosis, PTSD,  Chronic Insomnia, Hypertension and High Blood Pressure. Well, aren’t you just a fun person to be around.”

Sam scanned the first few pages of Gabriel’s file. “Says the amnesiac with obsessive-compulsive disorder, ADHD and religious psychosis.” Sam smiled without any real humor. “At least we have something in common.”

“Touche”

Sam looked over the next few pages. Richard’s file was a lot thicker than his own but most of it was repetition. Then a passage caught his eye.

 

_ The patient still has trouble believing he is human and his lack of power seems to be a source of considerable stress. I propose that a new name will help to reshape his self-image. He has agreed with some protest and with the condition that he gets to chose the name himself. _

 

“Richard isn’t your name?”

Richard pushed Sam’s file away and picked up his fork again. He stabbed at his grean beans. “It is.”

“But this says you chose a new name.” 

“I did. That doesn’t mean it’s not my name.” Richard wasn’t meeting his eyes. His shoulders were hunched and everything in his posture was defensive.

Sam knew he’d have to go easy if he was going to get anything close to the truth. “Why Richard?” 

“Because I’m a dick.” Richard’s tone and his eyebrows made it both a joke and an innuendo. 

Sam couldn’t help but laugh. “Oh really.”

“Damn straight.”

“Straight? Think I have to call BS on that if last night was any indication.”

Color rose on Gabriel’s cheeks, and he sputtered. “Wha--, you--, I told you that was a candy bar.”

“Right, of course it was.”

“It was! The doctors are trying to keep me on a regulated diet so I have to sneak out to the vending machines if I want my fix.”

Sam blinked a few times then laughed again. “You know when you say it like that, I almost can’t blame them,” he paused, “that doesn’t really give me an answer though.” 

“I, oh, umm.” Richard blushed again but his expression was closer to sad then embarrassed. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know if you like men?” Lucifer’s voice echoed Sam’s thoughts reminding them both of his presence.

“I can’t remember, okay? It’s not like a mental ward is a hot date spot.”

Sam shoved at Lucifer, and changed the subject. “Did you choose a new name because you couldn’t remember it or…” the file hadn’t made it sound like that was the case.

Richard stiffened, then stood. His knuckles were white when he picked up his tray and his fork rattled against the plastic. 

“Typical, you always did take the coward's way out.” Lucifer said it as if it was fact, as if he wasn’t the least bit surprised.

Richard spun on his heel. “Screw you! I changed my name because I’m. Not. Gabriel. Whatever I thought I remembered, gods, or slow dancing aliens, or the motherfucking Morningstar himself, was a delusion while I was comatose.” He stormed off, leaving Lucifer to mutter to his retreating back.

Sam ignored Lucifer’s complaining. Richard’s last comment had sparked a memory. After all, how many slow dancing aliens could one person encounter in their life.


	15. Chapter 15

 

Lucifer flopped down on Sam’s bed the moment they returned to his room. The angel rolled his shoulders, stretched and then waved a hand and was suddenly wearing flannel pajama pants and nothing else.

Sam sighed. It wasn’t like it was that late but the bed was the only even partially comfortable spot in the room. Sam considered trying to push Lucifer off. It would probably end in a shoving match and Sam would no doubt end up pressed into the floor as Lucifer declared himself the middleweight champion of the world. Sam didn’t think he had the energy for that even if it was the best way to get Lucifer to give up his spot.

The angel was in one of his moods, Sam could tell. He was upset about something but either it wasn’t Sam’s fault or it wasn’t something that tormenting Sam would make him feel better about. Which meant that anything Sam said might set him off. If he wanted to be left alone and Sam bugged him, Lucifer would throw a tantrum. If he wanted to be left alone except secretly wanted attention, and Sam tried to let him have space, he’d pout until a literal thunderstorm was filling the room. If he was actually hatching some terrible plot and Sam tried to cheer him up, he’d probably take offence and explain in great detail how Sam was wrong.

It was exhausting. Sometimes Sam wished he could just say he had a headache and cancel their little dates. Except then Lucifer would say Sam didn’t like him and list out all the times that Lucifer had graciously helped him. Worse he’d highlight Sam’s faults, remind him of exactly why he deserved all the punishment’s that had been heaped on him in the cage and since then. Every person he had ever failed to save, torn apart before his eyes all over again.

“See something you like?”

Sam blinked and realized he was staring at Lucifer. He quickly glanced away, rubbing at the back of his neck. “Sorry.”

“Not at all.” Lucifer stretched, arching his back and tilting his hips so his pajama pants were stretched across his groin.

Sam didn’t know how to react. Was Lucifer actually coming on to him? He didn’t have a body. Was it a joke? Was it some strange version of gay chicken? If ticking Lucifer off when he was in a mood was bad Sam didn’t even want to imagine what the wrong response to this would be.

Sam had been standing there without reacting for too long. Lucifer shifted, sliding off the bed in one sensuous motion. “Can’t play the straight card after today, even if I didn’t already know you were bi.” He stepped in close and only then did Sam realize just how small the room was.

Sam stumbled back and ran into the desk. He tried scooting sideways and ended up stumbling over the chair, nearly knocking it over. Sam caught it at the last moment, pulled it upright and sat. He immediately started regretting his life choices.

Lucifer stepped forward until he was straddling Sam’s knees, tracing his fingers over his waistband. “You know Sam, if you’ve got an itch to scratch, I can literally blow your mind.”

Sam shook his head slightly. This can not actually be happening. Was that what had set Lucifer off, the flirting? Was he jealous because it wasn’t him? Even if Lucifer was real…. And he was making jokes about it…?

He tried to push down all the Wrong he was feeling. Lucifer would definitely lash out if he picked up on it. Sam was willing to thank any god who would listen for the fact that even now his hands were steady; a lifetime of acting and life threatening situations no doubt.

“I just want to go to bed.” Sam tried to look up at Lucifer but he couldn’t meet the angel’s eyes, and had to look away again.

“No need to play coy Sam. I know you’re trying to be a gentleman but if you want me, all you have to do is say so.”

He didn’t, he really didn’t. Lucifer was standing over him, caging him in, forcing him down. Sam knew what was going to happen, and he couldn’t do anything to stop it.

Memories from the cage started to bubble up. Pain and humiliation. Lucifer’s words etched into his flesh one layer of skin at a time: broken and failure and worthless in more languages then he could count let alone speak. He had begged for Lucifer to stop for centuries, until finally he had. Lucifer had gotten bored and abandoned him to a void where he couldn’t feel his own skin, couldn’t hear his own screams, couldn’t see or taste or smell. It had been a relief at first until it became a worse punishment than the torture. In that emptiness he started to question his own memories until he had brokenly begged Lucifer to come back, to touch him, to do whatever he wanted. Because when Lucifer was torturing him he knew what was real.

Lucifer had come back. The Morningstar kissed Sam for the first time and said he forgave him, and it had started all over again.

And it was starting all over again.

The world shifted on it’s axis. Nothing was real. Had this whole thing been just another cage dream, a fantasy his mind had created until Lucifer finally came back, finally forgave him again and kissed him and proved he still wasn’t good enough by tearing him apart.

Lucifer lifted one hand from where he was bracketing Sam and ran his fingers through Sam’s hair tugging at the ends.

“What do you say Sam.” Lucifer lifted Sam’s face until he had no choice but to look at the angel. They were only a few inches apart. Lucifer was wearing this little smile that somehow didn’t fit. From somewhere far away Sam realized Lucifer expected him to say yes, to kiss him. Lucifer quirked an eyebrow.

“No.” Sam knew he had thought it, but hadn’t realized he had said it until Lucifer frowned.

No, that was bad. Fear rushed through him, sending his pulse racing and tripping him back into his body. He didn’t want Lucifer to get mad at him, he could explain.

“You’re not Gabriel.” Sam stumbled over the words and it was clearly not the right thing to say.

“No, I’m nothing like that pagan brat. I am light and glory. I’m the only one to challenge our father, to declare myself his equal. To stand by my own strength. Gabriel abandoned his family and ran from his responsibilities. I am better then him, better then all of them.”

Lucifer stood above Sam, gesturing wildly, as if it were the whole world rather than just one broken human as his audience.

“I am the light when He has forsaken the world. I am the shining one, lord of angels and master of demons. You should fear me.” His eyes fell on Sam again. “You should love me.”

“No.” This time Sam wasn’t surprised it came out firm. He didn’t love Lucifer. After all this time that was the one thing he was still sure about. Even in the Cage he had never gone that far. Torture had never turned into the twisted love that Lucifer had wanted. Need maybe, addiction perhaps, but never love.

Lucifer stared at Sam for several heartbeats, then he screamed. The fury turned into the howl of wind and the crack of ice. Frost crept up the walls as the very air crystallized from the outpouring of Lucifer’s power.  Sam stumbled back off his chair, and ended up huddled in a corner with his arms sheltering his head.


	16. Chapter 16

When the orderlies did the first set of morning bed-checks, they noticed Sam’s bed hadn’t been slept in. When they came in, they found him huddled in a corner with a dangerously low temperature and generally unresponsive. They put him to bed and covered him in two electric blankets while they did bloodwork and filled his veins with strange colored liquids. 

Sam was only vaguely aware of what was going on around him. In his head Lucifer was still throwing a fit. He had enough trouble just telling himself the blizzard in his room wasn’t real.

 


	17. Chapter 17

“Wow, you really do look like shit.”

Sam couldn’t have said how much time had passed. The lights were off but it must have been day because there was light coming in through the window. His room had an extra machine with little blinking lights, wires on his chest, and an IV next to the bed. Richard was in Sam’s chair, eating Sam’s pudding. Or at least Sam assumed it was his pudding. The rest of the dinner tray was sitting on his table. Probably evening then.

“How long?” It came out as a croak. 

Richard licked his spoon clean. “Day and a half since they found you. You missed dinner.” He tossed the empty pudding cup back on the tray, and gestured to the rest of the food. “This is basically all cold now, but if you’re hungry I could duck out and see if they have a microwave.”

Sam shook his head, food was the last thing he wanted, but… “water?” He wasn’t thirsty exactly but his throat was tight and sore. Richard helped him sit up a bit more and held the glass while Sam sipped from the straw.

Neither of them spoke even after Sam sat back. Sam was still tired. Tired seemed to be his default setting these days. Plus he hadn’t exactly expected Richard to be the one waiting for him when he woke up.

“So,” Richard eventually asked, “What did the asshole do to put you under like that?”

“Snowstorm.”

“Fuck me. He can do that? Why? What did you do to piss him off?”

Sam didn’t think he had the energy for the whole story so he summarized. “I told him no.”

Richard blinked a few times. “You can do that?”

Sam shrugged, and closed his eyes. “Guess so.”

It wasn’t something Sam had ever really considered, or at least not since he talked to Lucifer and stopped being able to block him out. Except…. He had, hadn’t he. First, when Lucifer had been tormenting Richard in group therapy and then last night. There had been nothing stopping Lucifer from going through with whatever he had been thinking, but instead he got angry and threw a tantrum. Sam tried to remember, had Lucifer ever done something after Sam had said no?

“Well, ah, I should probably get to bed.” Richard stood and stuffed his hands into his pockets. “I’ll see you in the morning.”  

Sam managed a nod before he drifted off again.


	18. Chapter 18

Lucifer was back the next morning.

Sam rolled off his bed and into a ball pit. As he tried to find the floor he idly wondered if Lucifer was trying to make him forget the, for lack of a better word, argument, or if he was bipolar or something. Too bad it was impossible to get medication for his imaginary friend. It would be impossible to get Lucifer diagnosed anyway.

When Sam managed to stand, Lucifer started throwing the things at him. The rubber balls bounced harmlessly off and Sam ended up staring at Lucifer. The angel crouched on Sam’s bedside table carefully staying out of the pit himself. He was scooping up the balls with one hand and throwing them with the other.

After a few minutes Lucifer paused. “You’re supposed to throw back, or at least try to dodge or something.”

“Well, you’re supposed to actually be in the pit if you’re going to throw balls at people.” 

Lucifer stuck out his tongue and tossed another ball. Sam easally knocked it out of the air.

Before they could dive into another argument The door opened and the doctor and a pair of orderlies came in. Sam carefully ignored the bright plastic spilling into the hall, and the fact that Lucifer still wasn’t letting up.

“Well, you’re looking better this morning,” the doctor said. 

“Yeah, I’m feeling better.”

“You had us all very worried. Do you have any idea what could have caused that?” 

A red rubber ball bounced off Sam’s head. He shrugged. “I just felt really cold.”

“Alright, since you slept all yesterday, I think it’d be alright for you to visit the day room if you feel up to it, but I want you to to tell a nurse at once if you start feeling like that again.”

Sam nodded and took his pills. He swallowed the safe ones one at a time, hiding the blue one. The doctor made a note on his clipboard and moved on.

Sam fished his chair out of the balls and hid the extra pill. By the time he had finished, Lucifer was complaining about his lack of response. Sam retaliated by circling the bed and dragging Lucifer off his perch.


	19. Chapter 19

Sam looked at the door. He had let Lucifer distract him all morning, an idea softly simmering away in the back of his mind. When the nurse came around announcing that Lunch would start in half and hour, he stood and headed for the door. Naturally Lucifer followed him.

Sam glanced into the hallway, making sure there was no one close enough to overhear. When he was satisfied he turned in the doorway and blocked Lucifer’s path.

“You’re staying here.”

“Excuse me?” Lucifer’s tone didn’t make it to insulted - it got stalled out in shocked.

“You are not coming with me. I’m not going to let you through this door. You can stay in the room, or you can disappear to wherever you go, but you can’t come with me,” Sam said each word deliberately. He didn’t want to give Lucifer any loophole he could worm his way through.

Lucifer’s expression ran the gambit of emotions, finally settling on condescending. “Now Sam, do you really think you can stop me? Just by saying no? Do I have to remind you yet again that your little hand trick doesn’t work anymore?”

Sam took a deep breath, and made his stand. “I’m not ignoring you anymore. I know you’re here for good. I’m just telling you how it’s going to be.”

He shut the door in Lucifer’s face and turned his back on it. Lucifer was screaming, threatening Sam with things a thousand times worse then anything from the Cage.

Across the hall Richard poked his head out from his own door. “Do I want to know?”

“Probably not. Want to get lunch with me?”

Richard came around his door. He looked at Sam and the raised an eyebrow at the racket coming from behind him. 

“Lucifer won't be joining us.” Sam didn’t let any doubt creep into his voice.

“Oh, okay then.”

Sam smiled and walked deliberately away from his room. Lucifer didn’t follow them.

 


	20. Chapter 20

Sam forked over his pudding willingly this time. “They really don’t like you having too much sugar do they?”

“Apparently they think a balanced diet is a good thing.”  Richard waved his spoon around  before practically inhaling the pudding.

Sam laughed.

“Good thing I’ve got you Sammose. It’s about time we got another rebel in here.”


	21. Chapter 21

Richard was tossing a little rubber ball from hand to hand, occasionally letting it bounce off the wall or table. Sam was wearing a small smile as he skimmed through the book.

“You know they die right?”

“Hey, no spoiling the ending.”

“It’s Hamlet. Everyone knows that everyone dies in Hamlet, Hell, I know everyone dies in Hamlet and I’ve been stuck in here under the proverbial rock for literally as long as I can remember.”

Sam considered that, “Okay yeah, but I haven’t read it before.”


	22. Chapter 22

“Cats or dogs?”

Sam glanced up and answered without thinking. “Dogs.”

Richard nodded like this was some valuable piece of information. Sam waited for an explanation but none came.

“So…”

It was Richard’s turn to glance up, “So…what?”

Sam shook his head but he was smiling, “what about you?”

“I don’t really know…. Dogs I guess.”

Sam didn’t push. He was starting to learn what that expression meant. Richard had missed a lot being stuck in here. Sure it was safer, but here safe also meant boring. Sam had some serious concerns about the quality of life in here long term, if a grown man couldn’t even say if he liked cats or dogs.


	23. Chapter 23

 

When Sam went to bed that night Lucifer was waiting. Sam had been expecting something, braced for a dragon’s cave or for the walls to be covered in scribbles or some other twisted dream world overlaid on reality. Lucifer hadn’t pulled out Alice In Wonderland yet.

Instead Lucifer was laying flat on his back on the floor.  He had pulled the sheets off the bed and the few other pieces of furniture had been knocked around, but now he was ignoring all of it. One of his arms was thrown over his eyes in a pose that should have looked melodramatic, but instead it just looked sad.

Sam stepped into the room and moved to the bed. He shoved the mattress back into place and picked up the pillow from the floor. He didn’t try to put the sheet back on. One corner of it was under Lucifer’s legs, and he wasn’t going to mess with the angel if he didn’t have to. Besides it wasn’t like he was actually doing anything. The mess was just an illusion, like everything Lucifer did.

Lucifer gave it four or five minutes before he spoke. “So that’s it. The Cage all over again?”

Sam had given it a lot of thought over the course of the day. Once he was certain Lucifer wasn’t going to pop up behind him, he’d been able to relax his thoughts. He was smart. He could figure this out once he got the chance. Now he just had to test his theory.

“You know what I think? I think you’re not him. I mean I know you’re not really Lucifer. Not the archangel, but I don’t think you’re a shadow or anything either. I think you’re like an injury, like a broken arm. I jumped back into the game too fast. I didn’t rest or try to recover. Well, there wasn’t a lot of time for it, but my point is that it screwed everything up even worse. Like the wound became infected, or the broken bones just kept grinding against each other.

By acknowledging you I was on some level admitting that I was hurt. I couldn’t block out the pain anymore. Now I know the truth. I need to take it slow, get myself back into shape. Physical therapy, or in this case just regular therapy. I had plenty of issues before you came along. It’s about time I washed out the old wounds and let them heal.”

Lucifer let his arm fall away and let his head fall sideways. “You’re wrong.”

“You would say that no matter what I said.”

 


	24. Chapter 24

 

Lucifer let him sleep through the night. Lucifer didn’t say anything all through the doctor’s check in. Sam took his pills, hid the blue one. Only when he headed for the door did Lucifer do anything.

The door vanished.

Sam turned to Lucifer. “Do you have something to say.”

“I have a lot of things to say but you don’t seem willing to listen.”

Sam settled in, his shoulders going back. “I’m not going to play these games anymore.”

“So that’s it, you’re just throwing out our deal?”

“I have a better perspective on things now.”

“You see, you’re still not listening.”

There was a knock from the other side of the wall. “Sam? You okay?” Richard asked.

“Lucifer, I would like you to put the door back so I can go to breakfast.”

“Not if you’re going to keep me locked up in here again. I think we’ve both had enough of cages, haven’t we?” Lucifer made it sound so reasonable. He made everything sound so reasonable, maybe that was why Sam had gone along with it for so long.

“I’m locked up just as much as you, my prison is just a little bit bigger, so I guess we’ll both have to deal. The door please.”

The door shimmered back into existence. Richard was trying to see through the clouded glass set into the little window. Sam moved to open the door again, and the temperature in the room dropped several degrees.

“If you leave me in here again you won't like the results.”

“I’ll take my chances,” Sam said before locking him in.


	25. Chapter 25

 

“Do you think they’d be willing to make eggs any way other than scrambled?”

Richard considered for a minute, finishing his mouthful. “Don’t know, they’ve never switched it up as long as I’ve been here.”

“I miss omelets. My brother can make a fantastic ham and cheddar omelet.”

“Of all the food out there, you miss omelets?” Richard raised an eyebrow in a very Gabriel fashion.

“Well, yeah I guess. What do you miss?”

“Take a wild guess.”

Sam rolled his eyes, “Right, I walked into that one.”

 


	26. Chapter 26

 

Group therapy was the same as last time, apart from the interruption that Lucifer had caused. They went around the circle and each person said how they were doing. It was tedious. Some people didn’t want to talk, and Doctor Julia spent several minutes asking coaxing questions. Others jumped in when it was their turn and ran off on tangents or started babbling about whatever was on their mind, to the point where they had to be cut off.

When it came around to him Doctor Julia asked. “Would you like to talk about your trouble sleeping Sam?”

“Actually, if it’s okay, I’d like to talk about my dad.”

Doctor Julia made a note on her clipboard and nodded for him to go ahead.

“My mom died when I was a baby, so it was my dad who raised me, or really it was my older brother. Me and Dad fought a lot. Stupid little stuff. I understand a lot of his reasons now. I don’t agree with all of them, but I understand them.”

Sam had to skate over a lot of the details, but they listened anyway. For a full ten minutes Doctor Julia hung on his every word, and if the others didn’t pay much attention he didn’t really care. Richard listened with his head tilted to one side and a strangely vulnerable expression.

 


	27. Chapter 27

“Do you think the world would be a more interesting place if everyone broke into song all the time?”

One of the nurses apparently had a thing for musicals. The TV in the corner of the day room had gone through the Sound of Music and was now playing My Fair Lady.

“Maybe,” Sam allowed, “but like, what if you had a terrible singing voice?”

“I don’t know, backup dancer?” Gabriel shrugged.

“So you just go through life getting pulled into other people’s songs in order to add flavor?”

“Well when you put it that way it sounds really depressing. Forever the bridesmaid never the bride? You know they have happy pills somewhere in the back if you really need them.”

Sam shoved at his shoulder. “Shut up. I meant like… I don’t know. What if you’re good at something else, like the dancing? Do you think you’d still have to sing?” he didn’t really know where the thought was going. If Lucifer was there he’d probably be forced into a musical of his own, but he wasn’t. It was just him and Richard.

“Oh, now wait just a minute, are you saying you can dance?” Richard looked him over approvingly, “I think I’d like to see that. What style?”

Sam blushed but he didn’t look away, “tango, two semesters in college.”

“Yeah, I definitely think I’d like to see that.”


	28. Chapter 28

Lucifer froze his room. Sam sat on his bed and tried to keep his teeth from chattering. He knew he wasn’t going to get any sleep. He ordered Lucifer to stop.

“Stop what?” Lucifer’s tone was petulant.

“Stop making the room cold.”

Lucifer glared at him. “Why? There’s nothing you can threaten to take away anymore.”

Sam clenched his jaw, “you are in my head. That means you obey my rules. Stop making the room so cold.”

Lucifer blinked and the room was suddenly on fire. Sam flinched back, then forced himself to hold the line. Dry heat rolled over him and Sam swore he could feel his skin cracking.

“Is this better?”

Sam closed his eyes and tried to block out the sensations. It was clearly going to take all his skill from pre-law to deal with the angel. Yeah, he wasn’t going to get any sleep tonight.

 


	29. Chapter 29

“You awake sleepy head?”

Sam rubbed at his eyes, “What time is it?”

“We’ve got half an hour before they start serving lunch.”

Sam blinked open his eyes to the sight of Gabriel - no Richard - above him. He had fallen asleep while sitting out in the courtyard with his head in the other man’s lap.

“Oh, damn, I’m sorry, I’ve been monopolizing you. You probably want to get up and walk around or something. You could have woken me up.”

Richard shrugged, “you looked like you needed the sleep. Lucifer was being an ass again?”

“Yeah.”

“That sucks.”

“Yeah.”


	30. Chapter 30

“Hello Sam; how are things?” Doctor Julia asked. She stood next to his table rather then sitting down and the light was right behind her head. Sam had to lean back to properly see her.

“I’m okay. I wish you guys had a better library.”

“Yes, I’ve noticed you spend a lot of time reading.”

“It’s a way to pass the time. I kind of grew up in libraries. There was almost always a library wherever we went, a constant across the nation.”

She nodded, “you’ve also been spending a lot of time with Richard.”

“He’s a nice guy.”

“Sam, I’m going to be honest with you. I am truly glad that you two have become friends but the incidents when you first got here have made me cautious. Both of your diagnosis lend themselves towards religious fantasies. I want to be sure you don’t start feeding off of each other. From what you’ve said in group you were very close to your brother before you were checked in. I don’t want to put a label on it, but codependence springs to mind. Making Richard a substitute for Dean will not help either of you improve.”

Sam thought of falling asleep with his head in Gabriel’s lap. He thought of pudding. He thought of a small dark closet with the other man pressed up against him.

He cleared his throat, “yeah, I uh, no. Richard is nothing like Dean, well, he is a little bit, but no, he’s not like my brother.”

Doctor Julia gave him a long look. “Alright, I’ll trust your judgment, but if any lines are crossed, there will be consequences.”

Sam nodded and the doctor left. A moment later Richard slid into the seat across from Sam.

“What’s up with you Sambo? Your face is bright red.”


	31. Chapter 31

Lucifer was making the lights flicker. First a little ghost flicker, then all the way off, then strobe light, then off just long enough for his eyes to adjust, then on again all at once. The fact that the Sam had turned the lights off an hour ago was irrelevant.  He tried to just keep his eyes closed but then there’d be the squeak of a hinge or the creak of a floorboard, a scream somewhere in the distance; some little thing that set off all his hunter instincts.

Sam could order him to stop, but then he’d only come up with something else.


	32. Chapter 32

 

“So wait, you’ve never played truth or dare? How can you have never played truth or dare? Even I’ve played truth or dare and I’ve been stuck in here.” Richard waved a hand at the ceiling.

Sam shrugged, “I don’t know. I guess it never came up? I wasn’t exactly invited to a lot of slumber parties as a kid.”

Richard snorted, “okay so truth or dare?”

“What now?”

“You got something better to do? Or is it that you’re chicken?”

“Fine, truth.” Sam leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms.

Richard hummed for a moment. “Do you really like keeping your hair long or is it another rebellion from daddy’s rules thing?”

Sam considered for a moment. “Sort of started out as a rebellion, but when I was a junior in highschool there was this band that was really popular and I kind of looked like the guitarist. He had long hair so growing my hair out made me more popular.”

“Bet it got you all the girls.”

Sam shrugged, “Your turn, truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

Sam bit his lip, “Do you ever, or I mean...do you still think you’re an archangel?”

Richard hunched his shoulders, “Fuck Sammy, pulling out the sharp questions.”

“Sorry, you don’t have to answer.”

“Yes, okay? Sometimes I’ll forget and snap my fingers and then nothing will happen and I’ll remember.” He gave Sam a pointed look, “Truth or dare?”

“Truth.”

“What’s the craziest thing you’ve ever done during sex?”

Sam’s mind flashed to Ruby, “Well, I’ve been high during sex, but if you’re just counting the sex itself…. I guess that would be the couple of threesomes I was in during college. There was this couple I hooked up with a few times. I’d do her while he did me from behind.”

Richard’s eyes had gone wide. The tip of his tongue darted out to wet his lips.

Sam shifted in his seat, “so truth or dare?”

“What, oh umm, dare.”

_ Kiss me. _

Sam immediately banished the thought. He wasn’t going to dare Richard to kiss him in the middle of the day room, no matter how much he wanted to know what the other man’s lips tasted like.

He looked around for inspiration, “Umm, steal a pen from the nurses station.”

Richard grinned. It was a very trickster smile and it didn’t help the situation in Sam’s pants.

“Be right back.” Richard stood as if it was his own idea and lazily crossed the room. Sam watched him ask the nurse a question and quietly charm her into a smile. He didn’t see how Richard did it but when he returned he tossed the pen into Sam’s lap.

 


	33. Chapter 33

 

Motion sickness sucked. Sam had long gotten over any motion sickness from driving, but when Lucifer made his bed feel like a tiny little boat in the middle of a stormy sea, apparently it kicked in again. He couldn’t actually see the angel, only the dark water and mist that his room had become.

Sam tried to tell Lucifer to stop but every time he opened his mouth, his dinner tried to come back up. He only knew that he’d lasted through the whole night like that when light started filtering in through the window, and sounds started coming from behind his still hidden door.

He took a deep breath and then spoke in one quick breath without giving his body time to retaliate. “Lucifer I order you to put my bed back in my room.”

With the suddenness of a low speed car crash his bed lurched back onto the floor. The rest of the water slowly seeped away through the floor. Lucifer was sitting on his table, one foot tipping Sam’s chair back and forth.

Sam sighed in relief but he only had a moment before there was a knock at the door and the doctor was opening it. Sam sat up slowly, still pushing down the nausea. He knew he didn’t look good so he wasn’t surprised when the doctor commented on it.

“How are you feeling Sam, you don’t look like you slept much.”

Sam rolled a shoulder, “Rough night.”

The doctor pursed his lips. “I can have someone run your bloodwork. It’s possible you’re having an adverse reaction to your medication.”

Sam shook his head, “not yet, please. I think it was just a rough night. I’ll be fine tomorrow.” He tried to smile but he wasn’t sure how it came out.

The doctor hesitated, looking him over again, “alright, but if you can’t sleep again tomorrow I’m going to send it in, and I want you to take it easy today. See if you can take a nap later.”

Sam nodded and took his pills. He was sure he could get some sleep once Richard was there to keep watch for him.

The doctor made a note on Sam’s chart and left.

Sam spat the blue pill into his hand and took a minute to steady himself before standing. He reached for the chair and Lucifer kicked it over. Sam sent him a look but didn’t say anything. He knelt, and started working at the hollow leg. Lucifer kicked the chair again and the base of the leg came off spilling half a dozen pills across the floor.

“Stop it.”

“I’m not doing anything,” Lucifer said.

Sam waited another minute, sitting back on his heels. When he looked down at the floor, the pills had vanished. Sam took a slow calming breath.

“Lucifer, I need to see my pills.”

One by one the pills reappeared, until there were nearly fifty scattered over the floor in front of him.

“Okay you’ve had your fun, now cut it out.” his tone made it an order.

Lucifer pulled himself back into his corner on top of the desk. He had his arms crossed over his chest and his lower lip was out in a pout. Sam looked back at the floor. Five pills, plus the one in his hand. He picked them up and stuffed them in his pocket. It was about time he flushed them anyway.

 


	34. Chapter 34

 

“I think I want to build a treehouse.”

Sam followed Richard’s gaze. The ash tree in the center of the courtyard where they were sitting wasn’t nearly big enough for a treehouse. It wasn’t really the right shape for it either.

“That would be cool. I never had a treehouse as a kid.”

“Right, exactly, so we need to build one. Maybe we could build a really big one with like a king size bed and electricity and a mini-fridge, like in national geographic.”

“There’s room for a king size bed but not a full size fridge? I think I see where your priorities are.”

Richard waved a hand, “You don’t need a full fridge in the bedroom, just a small one for snacks and like chocolate syrup and things.”

“Chocolate syrup? You know, if there’s something you want to try you can just say so.”

“Yeah, as if the docs would ever let me get my hands on chocolate syrup, no matter what the reason.”

 


	35. Chapter 35

 

Sam let his shoulders drop and sighed as the ketchup and canned corn dripped down his shirt. Richard’s expression was stuck between pity and humor. Once a week or so, one of the more temperamental patents would throw his tray of food across the room. This time Sam just happened to be in the way.

He looked down at his own lunch. It hadn’t been all that appetizing to begin with, and now Sam really didn’t feel like eating.

“Take my tray back while I change?”

Richard nodded, still trying to stifle his laughter.

Sam headed back towards his room. It would only take a minute to grab his other shirt and chuck this one in the wash bin.

Except his door was already open.

Sam remembered closing it very deliberately. His heart sped up a notch. There was someone in his room and it wasn’t Lucifer’s familiar shape. He came to a stop in the doorway and an old familiar fear flooded through him.

There was a nurse with a laundry basket tucked into the corner. Then there was Doctor Julia and the head doctor, and behind them, an orderly. All of them were looking at where Sam’s chair had been knocked over that morning. The foot was still off and there were a handful of blue pills scattered over the floor.

Sam’s eyes found Lucifer Leaning against the wall by the window. He had his arms crossed again and a hard smile on his face.

“I told you you would regret it Sam. If I’m locked up in here then so are you.”

 


	36. Chapter 36

 

They strapped him to the bed like back in the first few days. Doctor Julia came in to talk to him. She said she was disappointed and he shouldn't let his hallucinations control him like this. They pumped him so full of drugs even Lucifer couldn’t do much to him, at least not until they started wearing off in the middle of the night.

That’s when he started screaming.

In the morning they forced more medication on him.

He drifted between Lucifer’s torment and a medication induced high, and he honestly couldn’t have said which was worse.


	37. Chapter 37

 

Sam didn’t know how much time had passed before he felt the hand on his forehead. It was cold and a little clammy, but he knew it couldn’t be Lucifer. Lucifer would never be that gentle.

He tried to say something and whoever it was shushed him. “It’s okay Sam, It’s going to be okay.”

“Gabrl?” Sam knew it didn’t sound like a real word but it was all he was up for at the moment.

“Yeah, sure, for you I’ll be Gabriel, but only this once you hear me?”

Sam managed to open his eyes. The room was dark, only the streetlight outside the window illuminating the short man’s expression. He was really there. Lucifer had never made a hallucination of Gabriel and there was no reason to provide comfort now that he once more had Sam under his thumb. Of course that didn’t explain why Gabriel was there in the first place.

“Why r’you?”

“Fuck Sam, they’ve had you drugged to the gills for four days. Of course I’m going to come check on you. It’s Lucifer isn’t it? He’s doing this somehow. You can fight him Sam, I know you can. You’re the strong one here.”

Lucifer, right, Lucifer was here somewhere and he wasn’t going to like this. Or maybe he was going to like this a whole lot. Sam didn’t like any of it.

Lucifer appeared as if summoned, stepping into a beam of light with his head up and his back straight. The drugs clearly wasn’t doing anything to him.

“Hello Gabriel, come to see my favorite toy?”

“Fuck you,” Gabriel’s voice was shaky at best, “Just fuck off and leave us alone.”

“Now now, that’s hardly the proper way to speak to your brother. Maybe all these pagans and humans really have made you forget the way things are done. I suppose I could reeducate you. Sam could use the company, couldn’t you Sam?” Lucifer’s voice was a monotone that was somehow worse than outright anger.

Gabriel flinched and Sam tried to shake his head, but it made the world spin on it’s axis and he had to close his eyes.

Lucifer noticed and smiled. “Now Sam, it’s impolite to go to sleep when we have a guest.”

Lucifer stroked a hand over Sam’s ankle where it was bound to the bed, and lightning sharp pain made him arch up against the restraints. He tried to bite off a scream but he hurt too much to tell if he succeeded. When Lucifer finally stopped and Sam was able to catch his breath and reorient, Gabriel was babbling.

“No Sam. I’m so sorry. You shouldn’t have to go through this. Please Sam, you’re the only thing in here that makes any of it worth it. Please be okay, please.”

Sam groaned. He knew it didn’t sound all that comforting.

Gabriel looked at Lucifer. There were tears threatening to fall from his eyes, but more than afraid, he looked angry.

“You are such a bag of dicks,” he sucked in a breath and his voice grew stronger, “This could have been your second chance, but no. You couldn’t even be decent to the one person who was willing to work with you.”

“Oh really, and what do you know?” Lucifer stepped forward. Gabriel was shaking, but he held his ground.

“I know that Sam is fifty times the man you are. I know he’s going to win.”

Lucifer snarled and lashed out. Gabriel saw it coming with just enough time to flinch back, and grab Sam’s shoulder. Light flared when he made contact. Sam sucked in a harsh breath, eyes flaring wide as pure white light banished the shadows from the room.

It was a moment that seemed to hang in the air. Lucifer teeth bared and snatching at Gabriel. Gabriel’s hand tucked into the joint of Sam’s neck and shoulder, thumb over his pulse. Sam staring back at both of them, and the energy rippling between the three of them.”

“Grace.” The word was a whisper from Gabriel’s lips but in that moment it might as well have been a shout. 

Then he was leaning forward and fitting his lips over Sam’s.

It wasn’t what Sam had imagined for a first kiss between them. It was solemn, chaste rather than playful. Sam’s mouth was full of the chalky taste of the drugs they’d been filling him with, and ozone from all the power in the air but over that he could taste chocolate and peppermint.

Then Gabriel pulled back slightly. The light in the room pulled in, becoming a stream of silver threads connecting their two sets of lips. Gabriel breathed in, swallowing the light, and the room went dark. Distantly Sam heard the sound of breaking glass, as the streetlight outside gave up the ghost.

Sam took a quick inventory. He couldn’t see a thing but other then that he actually felt pretty good; a bit tired, but clear-headed.

“Gabriel?” His voice was scratchy, but it was understandable.

“Here.”

“Lucifer?” Sam wasn’t sure he wanted an answer to that query.

“Yeah, not so much,” Gabriel said. There was a soft click and Sam’s bedside lamp came on. “Hi.”

“Hi.”

“So, umm, you were right.”

Sam tried to get his brain back on track, “about what?”

“Well, a lot of things probably, but specifically me being me.” Gabriel wasn’t meeting his eyes. “You should be okay now, by the way. I mean you’ll still have to deal with the memories but Lucifer is pretty much salt and burned now.”

Sam wasn’t sure he was following, “how?”

Gabriel took a breath and folded his hands in his lap, “Grace. See, when an angel possesses someone it leaves it’s mark. No matter how short or careful, the angel always leaves some of their grace behind. That’s what was causing your little guest to be so persistent.”

“Oh.”

“Yeah, and it kind of turns out that my whole memory block was due to a lack of grace, so the bit of grace in you was able to give me a kickstart.”

Sam thought that over. “Why did he have to do what I said then?”

“Because consent is important and he wasn’t strong enough to shut you up any longer.”

Sam nodded - it made sense. He tried to sit up and realized he was still strapped to the bed. Gabriel realized what he was doing and snapped his fingers. The straps vanished.

Gabriel stared at his fingers in awe. “You know, I’ve really missed that.”

Sam snorted out a laugh and managed to sit up. “So a magical prince came and saved me from the evil spell? Dean is never going to let me live this down.”

“No Sam. You were the one who was fighting him at every turn. If you hadn’t stood up for me, I never would have had the courage to stand up for you.”

Sam licked his lips, “are you sure he’s gone?”

Gabriel shrugged, “mostly. I think the memories are still sorting themselves out. Some things are still kind of fuzzy.”

“Well, maybe you should kiss me again then, just to make sure.”

Gabriel glanced up at him, ”just to be sure.” there was a hint of a smile at the corner of his mouth.

“Well he was pretty bad. Better to be careful.”

Gabriel was already leaning in, “Better safe than sorry.”

This kiss was exactly what Sam had been expecting, slow and sassy and just a little on the dirty side. It also reminded Sam that angels didn’t need to breath nearly as much as humans. Sam eventually pulled back, breathing hard.

“So what now?”

Gabriel shrugged, “Well, I could start by getting us out of here. We could build that tree house, you could meet my dog, I can eat all the things I’ve been missing out on in this place.” on his last words, he trailed his eyes over Sam. “You know, if you want to.”

“I would have to check in with Dean before too long.”

“Sure, eventually.”

“Eventually.”

Gabriel’s eyes were sparkling. Sam didn’t even try to fight the smile that spread over his features. When Gabriel offered his hand, Sam took it without thinking.

The sound of snapping fingers slowly faded from the empty room.


End file.
